Now I lay me down to sleep...

How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things. ~Dorothy Parker

I'm not sleeping... have averaged about 4 hours sleep a night for the last fortnight... not unusual for me to have the odd sleepless night and my natural body clock would prefer I was awake till late at night, and then slumber till mid morning and then nap in the afternoon... I can usually make up for any missed sleep of a weekend... but not this weekend...

I'm afraid the usual pattern of insomnia, just lying there knowing that I won't sleep at all, being fiercely tired, but unable to sleep has kicked in, as has the muscle fatigue and aches and pains, where even blinking hurts. Bruises and skin rashes, blisters. And feeling absolutely wretched...and ancient...

The last time this happened was in the weeks just before I left my last job, where I averaged 15 hours of sleep over a 5 day period, and despite working 10 days straight to ensure there was nothing left undone and file notes were updated my boss called me in to give me a lecture for arriving late for work 2 days in a row... bastard...

And a new thing this time around... when I do finally manage to drift off to sleep, my foot or calf cramps, so severely I wake up. And then in trying to work out the cramp in one leg, the other one cramps... and I whimper as I hobble around with my toes curling skyward.

If the neighbours heard me, I'm sure they'd think I was having an orgasm... I moan and groan so much, while my feet imitate pixie shoes... And then I'm back in bed, trying desperately not to move in case I set the cramp off again, and then finally drift off ... and I cramp again...

Doctor yesterday told me to try a herbal remedy, a mixture of magnesium and B vitamins to help with the cramps, and should also help a little with the muscle fatigue, only problem is that it may take 10-14 days to have any effect.

Meanwhile, I slept most of the day yesterday, and then woke and went back to bed this morning as I couldn't face work... ended up going in at 10.00am, with everyone telling me that I looked awful and should I be there, just what you want to hear, when it's the last place you want to be.

Then upset someone who was trying to be nice to me... and wanted to put my head down on my desk and bawl like a baby... waited till I got home to do that... though it could have been worse... have an alarming tendency to cry in the car lately... not sure why... just thinking about something sad and off I go...

I probably would have been better staying home, as I managed to do almost bugger all... and only realised when I got home that I'd forgotten to eat... again...

Biggest problem with not sleeping, is that's more time to be thinking... as if I don't do enough of that already... and while sometimes the wee small hours can produce wonderful ideas and thoughts... it can also mean feeling very woebegone... particularly when you're trying to massage out a cramp that you can't reach cause you're legs have gone mental... and you wish that there was someone there to massage it for you... or just to keep you company in the dark by talking quietly to you...

Roll on Easter... when I get to have my 10 day break... if I manage to last that long...