I hope I never....

As I've been a bit of a slack-arse with both posting and keeping up to date with friends blogs I didn't realise that Karina had tagged me to do a meme and tell you 5 things about me I've never told before. Karina put a great spin on her meme and revealed 5 things she's never done... so I'm going to do the same but with a twist 5 things I hope never to do... or never to do again!

One: Work early morning shifts
My ideal job would be a job that started at midday... actually last week I did a couple of days where I worked till 8.00pm... it was bliss. Even though I started work at my normal time, I got so much work done between 4.00-8.00pm I am seriously thinking of asking if I can change my hours so that I work till 7.30pm (at least during the summer and daylight savings). Can't work till 8.00pm as I discovered last week at exactly 8.00pm the alarm activates... frightened me half to death...

Gone are the days where I will willing start work at 7.00am (unless I can work in my pj's!)

Two: Stand on the observation deck of any high rise building
I've discovered it's not heights I'm afraid of so much... it's falling. I can look out the window of a plane, can even stand at a lookout and look off into the distance... just don't ask me to look down! Famous at a previous workplace for going green at the gills and almost fainting when the electrician climbed over a guardrail and balanced precariously while trying to change a light globe. Equally as famous for refusing to walk into a training room with floor to ceiling windows in the high-rise Rialto building and then collapsing in a shaking heap when the trainer tried to reassure me by pressing his entire body against the glass.

I think in a previous life I was the virginal maiden sacrificed to the gods by being chucked into a volcano!

Three: Go to see the Monster Trucks, Car Racing, Motorbike Grand Prix et al.
I knew it was luuurv with Boomerang Boy when I agreed to go to the Monster Trucks with him one night instead of going for a walk to see the Christmas Lights along the Boulevard... sigh...

To make matters worse... he then proceeded to spend the rest of the night roaming around with his best buddy, turns out I was invited along to keep his mate's heavily pregnant girlfriend company so the boys could go watch their toys and dream....

Three: Internet Dating (those Lonesome Losers websites)
Conversation with the Nature Boy today about the ridiculous real estate prices at present that went off on a typically strange (for us) tangent:

MFF: I will probably rent for the rest of my life as I won't be able to afford to buy a house.
NB: Yes, you will.
MFF: Only if I find a man who wants to keep me in the style I wish to be accustomed to!
NB: Well, that'll happen too!
MFF: Do you think so?
NB: Yes!
MFF: I don't think that's very likely... in order to meet someone you actually need to leave the house!
NB: Well, eventually... but you could meet him and get to know him online
MFF (shaking her head furiously): Seriously... no way... the last guy I met online told me he had to leave early even before I got my coat off... and then ended up staying around for 3 hours, paying for my dinner, telling me he had a great time and would like to see me again and then a week later ringing me and saying he would like to stay in touch but he was pursuing other options and by the way he had found himself strangely aroused by me, had I been trying to arouse him and had I been aroused too!
NB (laughing): That is kind of weird...
MFF: That's the thing, he seemed so normal too... I think it's me... I bring out the odd in people
NB: Yeah, I can relate to that... (laughing)

Five: Go camping...
Back in the day when I advertised in the personals, probably a good 80% of the men who responded to my advert after telling me their name and occupation and the suburb they lived in told me they liked going camping! There was one memorable guy in his voicemail who said in a fairly decent Sylvester Stallone/Rocky Balboa voice 'Ummm... I like going fishin' and campin'... and ummm... walks on the beach, and ummm going to the movies, but I 'specially like fishin' and campin'...'

Before anyone yells at me... I realise that there are lots of people who like camping, including some females... but not this little fat duck! My idea of roughing it is a 3 star motel! And I once told Peter Rabbit that I really liked the great outdoors... as I watched it out the window on my way to the bed and breakfast!

I also told him earlier in the year, when he suggested that cuddling up in a sleeping bag was romantic, that I wasn't adverse to sharing a sleeping bag, or a tent for that matter... the man of my dreams will pitch that tent in the middle of the living room or better yet the penthouse at the Hyatt.

Can I get you fries with that?

My friend Moon Girl, brought me something amazing back from lunch yesterday... she brought me a man!

Now considering she had lunch at a suburban shopping centre, I was pretty astonished. In particular, as I may have on occasion asked for someone to buy me a sandwich, or a muffin etc. I’ve never actually asked for a man. Probably cause I didn’t know they were so readily available… talk about retail therapy!

Actually what she brought to me was a business card and mobile phone photo of a man she’d meet who was selling raffle tickets. Apparently she had a conversation with him that lead to her asking if he’d like her to pass his details on to her friend (that would be me) and he consented.

This has led to my mulling over a couple of things and raised a number of questions:

Why would she assume I would go for it?

Well, to be fair to MG, I had told her about a chat with a very close friend earlier in the week asking if I might be interested in meeting a friend of her hubby’s that had expressed an interest, and that I had cautiously but tentatively said yes.

And its common knowledge amongst the girls in the office that after licking my wounds over a very on and off relationship, that is now irrevocably off, I was finally open to the possibilities of meeting someone.

Why wouldn't I?

I’ll admit that in the recent past I’ve advertised in both the personals in print and on the net and meet ‘strangers’ via those mediums and actually enjoyed myself, something MG was also aware of.

But I could not get my head around what she’d done, and under no circumstances was I prepared to consider it… though I did have a moment of quiet empathy for this poor guy, who may be looking forward to a phone call that is never going to come.

And in trying to explain to her why yesterday realised the difference to my putting an ad in the paper or a profile on the net and this was, that in the former, I got to control the process and in the later, it was all arranged for me, hence why I cringe at the thought of being set-up.

Why do I seem to attract the lamest set-ups?

When I asked MG what about this guy made her think I’d be interested – her response was that he was single and 47 – right status, right age, why not? Oh, and he was taller than me, but considering I’m 5ft 2 that’s not exactly unusual.

This made me recall similar thought processes from friends and family including my sister and her husband trying to set up with one of his friends by saying we had a lot in common i.e. he was fat too!

Or my godbrother arranging for a friend’s brother-in-law to be at their home one evening when I was visiting – again with the, he’s single, you’re single line. Sounds fine, except the guy wore a parachute silk tracksuit and admitted that his favourite movies were the Porkys series. When he took out a tiny comb and started to groom his moustache at the dinner table, I made my excuses… and gave my godbrother a clip over the ear next time I saw him.

Why would a man agree to having his photo and number taken in the first place?

This is the most fascinating question! I would be more likely to agree to be used as a human cannonball than I would to having my photo and phone number passed on to a stranger, so assumed that this guy smacked of desperateness.

MG challenged me, by saying would I have reacted differently if he’d looked like George Clooney, which he didn’t, but then there’s only one George Clooney, and the only thing I’d be interested in in that instance would be if the raffle tickets were for being allowed to lick George from top to bottom…very, very slowly (oops, I digress)

And I could honestly say that if he’d been incredibly attractive I would have thought it even stranger… why would an incredibly attractive man agree?

And I puzzled over it, until I spoke to my friend Peter Rabbit, who kindly allows me, on occasion, into the inner workings of the mind of a single, heterosexual male.

Peter said of course he consented, as Peter would have readily done if Moon Girl. had spoken to him. He was a guy, and guys usually take what opportunities come their way.

Though I’m not so sure about Peter… considering we are friends because he responded to a personals ad that went:

ME = funny, smart, loyal, independent, articulate, loving, spontaneous, honest and sometimes difficult and argumentative

YOU = ???

You’d think he’d have learned his lesson by now…