I hope I never....

As I've been a bit of a slack-arse with both posting and keeping up to date with friends blogs I didn't realise that Karina had tagged me to do a meme and tell you 5 things about me I've never told before. Karina put a great spin on her meme and revealed 5 things she's never done... so I'm going to do the same but with a twist 5 things I hope never to do... or never to do again!

One: Work early morning shifts
My ideal job would be a job that started at midday... actually last week I did a couple of days where I worked till 8.00pm... it was bliss. Even though I started work at my normal time, I got so much work done between 4.00-8.00pm I am seriously thinking of asking if I can change my hours so that I work till 7.30pm (at least during the summer and daylight savings). Can't work till 8.00pm as I discovered last week at exactly 8.00pm the alarm activates... frightened me half to death...

Gone are the days where I will willing start work at 7.00am (unless I can work in my pj's!)

Two: Stand on the observation deck of any high rise building
I've discovered it's not heights I'm afraid of so much... it's falling. I can look out the window of a plane, can even stand at a lookout and look off into the distance... just don't ask me to look down! Famous at a previous workplace for going green at the gills and almost fainting when the electrician climbed over a guardrail and balanced precariously while trying to change a light globe. Equally as famous for refusing to walk into a training room with floor to ceiling windows in the high-rise Rialto building and then collapsing in a shaking heap when the trainer tried to reassure me by pressing his entire body against the glass.

I think in a previous life I was the virginal maiden sacrificed to the gods by being chucked into a volcano!

Three: Go to see the Monster Trucks, Car Racing, Motorbike Grand Prix et al.
I knew it was luuurv with Boomerang Boy when I agreed to go to the Monster Trucks with him one night instead of going for a walk to see the Christmas Lights along the Boulevard... sigh...

To make matters worse... he then proceeded to spend the rest of the night roaming around with his best buddy, turns out I was invited along to keep his mate's heavily pregnant girlfriend company so the boys could go watch their toys and dream....

Three: Internet Dating (those Lonesome Losers websites)
Conversation with the Nature Boy today about the ridiculous real estate prices at present that went off on a typically strange (for us) tangent:

MFF: I will probably rent for the rest of my life as I won't be able to afford to buy a house.
NB: Yes, you will.
MFF: Only if I find a man who wants to keep me in the style I wish to be accustomed to!
NB: Well, that'll happen too!
MFF: Do you think so?
NB: Yes!
MFF: I don't think that's very likely... in order to meet someone you actually need to leave the house!
NB: Well, eventually... but you could meet him and get to know him online
MFF (shaking her head furiously): Seriously... no way... the last guy I met online told me he had to leave early even before I got my coat off... and then ended up staying around for 3 hours, paying for my dinner, telling me he had a great time and would like to see me again and then a week later ringing me and saying he would like to stay in touch but he was pursuing other options and by the way he had found himself strangely aroused by me, had I been trying to arouse him and had I been aroused too!
NB (laughing): That is kind of weird...
MFF: That's the thing, he seemed so normal too... I think it's me... I bring out the odd in people
NB: Yeah, I can relate to that... (laughing)

Five: Go camping...
Back in the day when I advertised in the personals, probably a good 80% of the men who responded to my advert after telling me their name and occupation and the suburb they lived in told me they liked going camping! There was one memorable guy in his voicemail who said in a fairly decent Sylvester Stallone/Rocky Balboa voice 'Ummm... I like going fishin' and campin'... and ummm... walks on the beach, and ummm going to the movies, but I 'specially like fishin' and campin'...'

Before anyone yells at me... I realise that there are lots of people who like camping, including some females... but not this little fat duck! My idea of roughing it is a 3 star motel! And I once told Peter Rabbit that I really liked the great outdoors... as I watched it out the window on my way to the bed and breakfast!

I also told him earlier in the year, when he suggested that cuddling up in a sleeping bag was romantic, that I wasn't adverse to sharing a sleeping bag, or a tent for that matter... the man of my dreams will pitch that tent in the middle of the living room or better yet the penthouse at the Hyatt.

Things I have learned... in no particular order of importance...

• Drooling and dribbling and sighing 'oh my god, look at the size of his hands' is probably not the most appropriate response when being introduced to the very cute, but very young (28) new guy at work...

• I am not much of a team player... I love working as part of a team, as long as no-one else is doing MY job...

• I do not delegate well...

• Working 10-12 hours days for 3 weeks in a row in order to have a week off kinda defeats the purpose of having a holiday...

• Particularly when you then go back to working 10-12 hour days on your return...
  

• Telling men that you need to mother-proof your house prior to a visit has them thinking of p0rn and a drawerful of goodies... and their eyes glaze over...

• As does telling them that you are going on a d1ck-free weekend with your girlfriends...
  

• Having slightly hairy legs on a girls away weekend is probably better than attempting to shave said legs at midnight in the bathtub when you've spent the previous 48 hours doped up to the gills due to back spasm...

• Legs bleed a lot...

• Starting belly dancing lessons is probably not the smartest thing to do when you are in the middle of a full blown fibromyalgia episode...

• People think it's funny that the one body part that gets injured after belly dancing lesson number one is your ANKLE...

• Keeping quiet about the boobage and bum cramp after your first belly dancing lesson is probably not a bad thing...

• Men, want to talk to me and feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with me, which is lovely...

• Feeling comfortable enough to shut up and just jump my bones on occasion would be even lovelier...

• Despite the fact that I often make reference to being a little fat girl, and my humour is self-deprecating, I actually like myself, a lot...

• Which is probably just as well, as it becomes clearer every day that my world and the rest of the planet are often slightly out of kilter and it's likely to be a long while before a lovely man tells me to shut up and jumps my bones...

• Just as well I'm an optimist... someday my prince will come... sigh!

Sorry... you know what they say... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... well... that's why I've been so quiet...

Love of my life wanted, must love cats...

More tales of the Boomerang Boy
MFF: Hi, how are you?
BB: Not good, I tripped down the stairs and I've hurt myself
MFF: How did you do that?
BB: Mrs Boomerang's bloody cat was scratching my bag and I chased it and slipped
MFF: (laughing) - Oh poor you...
BB: Damn cat! I told her it had to go ... so she's given the cat to her mother
MFF: Seriously?
BB: Yep, told her either the cat went or I did
MFF: You know what I would have done if you said that to me, don't you?
BB: What?
MFF: Let me help you pack your bags sweetie...
BB: (laughing) See, that's why I didn't marry you!

Indiana has a blog post today about single women getting rid of their pets if they want to date! With the utmost respect to Indy, he can bugger off!

I've had pets all my life, and one of the things I missed most when I moved out of home was the presence of animals. I love cats and dogs, but do believe with my lifestyle that a dog would be an indulgence. But have two cats, getting Gertie the year I moved out, and then Gracie the following year to keep her company when my nephew moved out and she was spending a lot of time on her own.

We are a package deal... and I'm aware that there are men who do not like cats, which is why I tell prospective dates about mine early on... I'm not going to waste either his or my time if he has an allergy or an active dislike of them.

In the same way that I don't date men who have children but don't play a role in their lives (unless there are circumstances like distance etc. that prevent it) I wouldn't date a man who would expect me to give up my animals...

With my body I thee worship....

Boomerang Boy: She's a 'what you see is what you get' kind of girl
Miss Frou Frou: And I'm not?
BB: No way!
MFF: Seriously? What do you mean?
BB: You're like Forrest Gump's Chocolates... you never know what your going to get until you bite into it...
MFF: But you like chocolate?
BB: Yeah, but I want to know what kind it is before I eat it!

The above exchange took place about 4 years ago, as part of a discussion about the kind of relationship BB wanted into the future, and why he was marrying someone else, even though he still professed some feelings for me.

It lead to some interesting conversations with friends at the time, as I tried to understand what he meant. Most of my friends saying they thought I was open and honest and very much a 'what you see is what you get' kind of girl... though interestingly a conversation with MLF (my first love who I've known for over 25 years) was illuminating...

MFF: He said I wasn't a 'what you see is what you get' kind of girl
MFL: He's talking through his arse... you're a straight shooter
MFF: Thanks... even way back when we first meet and we were going through all that 'will we/ won't we' stuff of our relationship?
MFL: (silence - laughter) .... Oh yeah, I see his point...

All of this is playing out in my head at the minute, as B and S at work are dead keen on turning 'find Frou Frou a man' into their next project... wanting to put my profile up online etc. and I am so ambivalent about it all... and I'm wondering why I am so unenthusiastic...

What also keeps playing through my head is a conversation with Nature Boy earlier in the year.

NB: Do you realise every time the subject of men and relationships comes up you either snort dismissively or you do the eyeroll thing?
MFF: Yeah, well that's because the whole men/relationships thing and I don't fit very well ... always ends up in tears before bedtime
NB: You're not very confident about yourself, are you?
MFF: Oh, you've misunderstood. I am very confident... I know I am an amazing woman and some man would be extraordinarily lucky to have me.
NB: Umm... ok... (looking at me like I'm an alien)
MFF: Where I lack confidence is in the single men out there and they're ability to see me for the Goddess that I am...

Extra! Extra! Read all about it... Miss Frou Frou unmasked...

One of my favourite bloggers, Candid Karina recently posted her response to this great new meme.

The Rules: A blogger interviews you, and you post the answers on your own blog. Then you invite readers to volunteer to be interviewed, and you interview THEM, and they post it on their blog, and on and on we go...

I volunteered to be interviewed and below are Karina's great questions and my long-winded fluffy waffle in response... Anyone that would like me to interview them... leave a note in my comments...

1. First, let's get the obvious out of the way: Tell us the when, how and why about the birth of your blog.

I started blogging in February in a typically round and round the garden Frou Frou way... I met the Nature Boy just over 12 months ago... and almost from the get go we had these games of email tag. He's the King of short responses, a skill I've yet to master (no really - says everyone!) but he used to enjoy my mini-stories and general lunacy... and constantly encouraged me to write... something he continues to do... which is unbelievably lovely.

Around the same time, I happened across the blog Reasons You Will Hate Me and became an avid lurker, enjoying MsFits and her fans and detractors, Friday Q&A becoming a must read every Saturday morning over my Vitabrits. And from there started reading others, and got a bit of a hang for how this all worked... had heard of blogs but never read one... what can I say... I'm technically backward... only buying a DVD player a year ago, and cracking everyone up today trying to connect a USB to a laptop... but I digress...

So, started to think that blogging would actually suit me. I like writing, have always been comfortable with email as a form of keeping up with people, and blogging is just a way to do it on a much broader stage. Those that know me, say my emails are like having a conversation with me, reading my words and they hear my voice... and friends in RL who have read here say the same. (Though there aren't many RL friends reading anymore... or if they are they are lurking... come out, come out wherever you are).

2. Your blog name...explain please.

My friend Roz's former husband, K was a mad Englishman who introduced me to soccer, beer with lime, "Dirty Old Town" drunkenly sung, and the phrase... I used to be, but I'm alright now... every time you were making conversation and said something like "I/he/she/they/your like, want, are ....., etc. his response would be "I used to be .... but, but I'm alright now" often to much jocularity...

Try it...

You're nice... I used to be nice, but I'm alright now... She's skinny... I used to be skinny, but I'm alright now etc.

He did it so often, that I used to end the sentence for him, and then started saying it myself, something I still do...

3. So, you're a single woman, and have recently said you might be ready to get back out on the dating scene. You've told us what you would want in a man, but tell us, what are the things you miss most about relationships?

My relationships have always been unconventional, with none being similar to the others, and have spent more time single then coupled in my life.

What do I miss?

That lovely butterflies in your tummy feeling when you're going to see him, or you hear his voice... kisses... cuddles and hugs... someone to share the end of the day with (the mental debrief sharing tales of woe and silliness)... a sense of belonging, I'm his/ he's mine and the comfort that comes from that feeling... someone to scratch the middle of my back when it's itchy... and to tell me when I've tucked my skirt into my underpants again!

4. To borrow a question asked of me in my own interview, tell us about your worst date ever.

My first recollection on reading this was the date with a guy from the personals who seemed like a nice guy, but had unfortunate teeth... he had fangs! Though really, apart from the fact there was no way I was ever going to kiss that face, it wasn't a bad date.

So, my worst date... is complicated.

Around the same time I meet Vampire boy, I talked to Jay who turned out to live a couple of streets away, and ran a local myotherapy clinic. When I spoke to him, he was funny, quick, clever and a bit arrogant (all things that interest me) and he seemed really keen... particularly when in response to a question from him I told him I'd had over 100 responses and I was talking and meeting quite a few guys over the coming weeks. We talked a couple of times and then organised to meet for dinner at a local pizza place.

Sitting in the restaurant waiting for a stranger is always nerve-wracking... and my nerves only escalated when a very attractive, nicely dressed Jay wandered in and introduced himself. Now, I know I have wonderful qualities and that people love and have loved me... but Jay was just... I don't know... too good looking, too cool, too smooth, too confident... and in a weird way that calmed my nerves.

Figuring it was unlikely I'd ever go out with him again, I just relaxed and enjoyed myself. We had a great dinner, which he insisted on paying for and he offered to walk me to my car. On the walk to the car he said, I'd like to see you again, much to my surprise. I said I was busy for the next couple of weeks, which made him laugh, and he said - so how about I ring you in a fortnight. (I now realise this was all about Jay needing to stay on my list... not necessarily because of me, but a competition thing... he could choose not to see me, but didn't want me to cross him of my list of 100 - he used to constantly ask how many people were still on the list, and I used to laugh and say how do you know you have even made the list!)

Still, I was surprised when he did as he said and rang me in a fortnight, and asked me to come over to his place after he'd finished work one night... something I wasn't prepared to do at that point.

But he pushed, I want to see you again... so I said I was going out to a local Irish pub on Friday night with some friends, he could meet me there if he wanted to and in the conversation said to him, if you're going to be a bit uncomfortable about fronting up with a whole bunch of strangers you could bring along some of his friends.

Friday night... really, really crowded pub... hanging with my mates, keeping an eye out for Jay and I spotted him and said to Miss La De Da 'Oh there he is, the blonde in the leather jacket standing by the leadlight window' and she turned and looked and then turned back to me and said 'what - the guy with his tongue down somebodies throat?'.

??? I looked and sure enough he's deeply kissing a pretty young thing! Jay stopped, and then put his arm around her, and then another girl came up and the three of them went up to the bar, with the original girl hanging all over him.

MLDD said are you going to go up to him, and I said no, I'll let him come to me. And we sat there, and waited while he scanned the room looking for me, passing his gaze over me several times, but not actually making eye contact. It was like I was invisible, or else he had forgotten what I looked like...

This went on for almost an hour... he deep in conversation with both girls, occasionally scanning the room I'm assuming looking for me, and occasionally kissing the pretty blonde. And all the time I was sitting in plain view about 4 feet away from him. Eventually, Jay and the two girls left.

He rang me the following day... "Hi - what happened last night, I was there but didn't see you?". "I know" says I, "I saw you".

"Why didn't you come up?" says he. "You were a bit busy at the time" says I dryly. He laughed out loud... and then asked "What did your friends say?"

"My mate said you were a 'root rat'!" Again, he laughed. "Oh, I kick 'em first to make sure they're still breathing! What did you say to that?"

"I didn't care if he was a 'root rat' as long as I was the rat he was rooting!"

Again, he laughed... declaring I was the funniest girl he knew and he really wanted to see me again. To which I replied "Sorry, one of the things you need to know about me is I hate standing in queues".

I never dated him again, though he persisted for a few weeks, and for a couple of months we used to occasionally bump into each other around the neighbourhood. Haven't seen him for a few years, and the myotherapy clinic is gone... so don't know where he ended up.

5. If you could have dinner with any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be, and why?

I'd like to host a dinner party (not cook... just host) and I'd invite:

Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson - they can have a cook off!
Kate Hepburn and Spencer Tracy - cause it would be nice to see them together one more time and Kate is my hero...
Robert Redford, Johnny Depp and George Clooney... gorgeous men who have/ do make interesting films and George cause he's the archetypal funny, quick, clever and a bit arrogant man...

Remember, if you want me to interview you, leave a not in comments.

Someone to watch over me....

There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind...

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me...
Someone to Watch Over Me...George Gershwin

Well it seems the general consensus is that I should go for it... this online dating thing...especially as some of you think I should share all the gory details of my quest... so in fact, I'm being selfless and doing this for you!

Have been thinking a lot about what kind of man/men I'd like to meet, what would make my heart go ping... and other body parts reverberate...and prompted to think even more following some recent blog posts... doesn't help that I've been listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing the Gershwin Songbook... boy that man could write a melancholy love song...

Mez recently discussed Love or List?... should you make a list of attributes that you might want in a partner, and what if people don't meet the requirements of the list. And Indiana talked about that Dreaded Question - why are you still single? and gave what I think is a wonderfully succinct and heartfelt response "I am yet to meet someone I can rely on to be both there for me and to be the person I need, not just want. I am yet to meet someone whom I can believe enough in to give up my own total self-reliance"

And so, we come to me, and what is it that I am looking for - I've mentioned different things in this blog since I started in February... most recently stating I yearn for someone who gets me... someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...no doubt I'll be doing some more thinking about this but here goes...

ADDENDUM: Need to clarify the list below is not a checklist, have no plans to meet someone and then determine whether they are right or wrong based on the below... I'm someone who goes a lot more on gut or intuition in my responses to people, both male and female. It's just a bit of fun about my ideal man... and by putting the desire out there into the universe I'll be curious to see how many of these attributes can be found... though the Naughty, Lusty, Kissable and Available things are non-negotiable!

I do think it's interesting that the commentors to date who have expressed horror have all been male... lol

The ABCs - Miss Frou Frou's Ideal Bloke needs to be:

Available - both physically and emotionally - i.e. live within in a reasonable distance, and actually single
Blokey - I actually don't mind blokey blokes - the blokier they are, the more girlie I become
Clever - not looking for a Mensa candidate, but someone who can hold their own conversationally on a gamut of interests
Dependable - I don't mean a doormat, but if you say you're going to do something, you do it or least let me know if you can't
Employed - don't care what you do, but you need to have some form of work, preferably something that you are passionate about. If you have a mundane job that provides an income for you to follow your muse, that's ok too...
Funny - if you make me laugh, you've almost won me over...
Grounded - for all that I enjoy foolishness, I want someone who has a clear idea of who he is and what he wants, partly cause I need someone to pull me back to earth on occasion
Honest - I will forgive most things, but not lies
Imaginative - linked to funny, clever, lusty, naughty and uninhibited... use your imagination
Juggler - capable of keeping several balls up in the air, work, family, hobbies, me...
Kissable - kissing is important... but I'm not a girl who will kiss someone just because... I need to want to kiss you... and you need to want to kiss me - often!
Lusty - sorry, have no interest in having a purely cerebral relationship... you need to want to play - often!
Manly - I like guys who are masculine - and all that means, not prissy, not afraid to get their hands dirty, a bit hairy, hard in all the right places.
Naughty - I'm pretty open about a lot of things... anyone who is a bit on the conservative side just makes me want to be more and more outrageous
Open Minded- I like odd things... am very tolerant and interested in all sorts of people, you'd need to be a bit the same or we'd bump heads
Persuasive - I'm a hard nut to crack... confess to being high maintenance - you'd need to be somewhere between persistent and pushy - if you pushed to hard, particularly if you dictated, I'm out of here...
Quixotic/ Quirky - fanciful, impulsive, unpredictable but all in a good way
Romantic - not your traditional hearts and flowers type romantic (though that's nice) but someone who would see the romance in small things ... dancing with me around the house, making me a special mix tape, picking flowers out of the garden, singing me to sleep
Sane - while I walk a fine line between slightly eccentric and raving lunatic - you'd need to be well versed in the land of common sense and practicality, but prepared to let go of all that on occasion and come over to my side for awhile
Tactile - I'm a touchy feely girl, when I'm comfortable with someone... think cat... I purr when I'm stroked...
Uninhibited - puritanical and prudish just does not cut it
Verbal - I need to talk, and need someone to talk to... if your main form of communication is grunting, I am not the girl for you
Wise - again, not talking about a Mr Smartpants, but someone who is worldly and discerning.
X Rated - linked to funny, clever, lusty, naughty and uninhibited... I told you already - use your imagination!
Young at Heart - am over the much younger boy thing, but I'm still not quite grown up yet, so am attracted to men who are a bit childlike... not terrible two's childlike... not in to tantrum throwing... just playful
Zany - if you can't see the absurd in things, how on earth are you going to love and treasure me for the dingbat that I am?

Death by Dating...

"How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"... Judy Tenuta

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm pretty sure I'm about to get back onto the online dating merry-go-round... argh...

Over the last couple of weeks there have been several conversations with friends at work about how to get me out there meeting people. For the most part, my close friends are female, those male friends that I have are either married or in relationships or frankly clueless... seriously, have never seen the benefits of having male friends who can hook you up with their mates... this has never happened to me!

Of course, when pressed over the last couple of weeks about the type of guy I'd like to meet I've been at a bit of a loss... oh, I'd really like to meet a man who attracts me, who is equally attracted to me, but will facilitate between interest and total disinterest over a number of years, and basically treat me badly, and then tell me that he values our friendship... cause at least then I'd know what to expect!

"They keep saying the right person will come along,
I think mine got hit by a truck"... anonymous

I have no idea who the right person is... so when Ms B. at lunch the other day said we should put you up onto a well known singles site to say I was a bit ambivalent would be an understatement. Though she has said when she returns from holidays in two weeks we'll take some photos and work on a profile - so she wants me to think about what I'd like to say.

"A good woman is worth, if she were sold, the fairest crown that's made of purest gold"... John Wodroephe

I've not had much success with this before. I did ok with the newspaper based personals, where you had a print ad, and then people could ring and leave a voice message. Well I did ok at getting a lot of responses, even if it was mostly lots of first dates.

As I said to Ms. Chief at dinner tonight... I'm obviously good at marketing but not necessarily at sales... can get them in with the razzle dazzle, but rarely close the deal. Though in all honestly, it was often me who backed out rather than them...

Problem with these online things is they are so regimented and restrictive... a virtual shopping list of features, single, separated, divorced, even married. Wants kids, has kids, doesn't like kids. Slim, athletic, average, a bit overweight, largish... interestingly I rarely see men describe themselves as largish... even when it's obvious from their photo's that they are! Smoker, non-smoker. Political and religious persuasion. Do you want 'em young, old, short, tall - living within a 10 klm radius or interstate. What kind of music do they like? What about movies? Books? Sport?

Apparantly 2/3rd of the male population of Australia love The Shawshank Redemption, rarely read anything other than the newspaper and think enjoying going camping often is a positive thing (I'll write a whole other post about the likelihood of ever seeing Miss Frou Frou pitching a tent and peeing in the woods)

"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are"... Chauncey Depew

But still... there's a part of me that would like to meet someone... a yearning... to share... to have someone to belong to... someone who gets me... someone who wants to wrestle naked...

Someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"... Agatha Christie

And I'd really like to meet this clever, funny, kind, kooky naked wrestler before all my soft and wobbly bits slip and bunch up around my ankles!

The last time I advertised in the personals it said this:

Before I turn 46 - next March -
I would like to make love (as often as possible)
with a man I like a lot - last 6 words are the important part!!!

ME? 45, funny (both funny haha and funny weird at times). Smart, without being a show off or know-it-all. A great conversationalist, can guarantee to provide opportunities for weird and wacky conversations. Genuinely curious about how the male mind (and other bits) works. I'm not stunning, but you wont need a paperbag either. Am not slim, but as long as you don't try to carry me across a threshold I doubt you'd sustain any serious damage. I don't bite, unless you say please first.

The wording was quite deliberately provocative... a male friend had looked at my original draft and said I was too subtle and men didn't do subtle. So this was my attempt at being direct and still there was confusion, with most people reading the opening paragraphs as... blah, blah, blah, make love (as often as possible), blah, blah, blah - which translated further into she's up for it... sex, sex, sex!

I pulled the pin after a month or so, as I got sick of explaining the intent behind the words... though I did meet 1 guy for a dinner who then rang me a week later to say he liked me a lot and was 'strangely aroused' at dinner.... had I deliberately tried to turn him on? Ummm... that would be a no...

So considering my experience to date... what do you reckon? How do you like my chances if I used something like this? Of course, easiest thing to do would be to get prospective suitors to read this blog... if they read my mad scramblings and were still interested I'd be interested in meeting them, if only to see just how crazy they were!

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal... Albert Camus

Your Quirk Factor: 70%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

So is it a sign of my quirkiness that this score pleased me? Considering even my Director at work not that long ago smiled at me and shook her head and said "You're a little crazy aren't you?" I guess it's safe to say I'm no longer expending unneccessary energy...

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who
insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being"... Oscar Wilde ##

Told the Nature Boy the other day that my ideal man would be a bit like Oscar Wilde... but maybe not gay... and definitely not dead...

To Do List:
* Find me a man who will celebrate my quirkiness

The Moaning Meme...

"I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain" Anonymous

I probably should be moaning about memes as I got tagged THREE times in the last week... but I ain't complaining.

My friend, Candid Katrina - who writes great things and has the best Wordless Wednesdays by the way, so go check her out, if you don't read her already... tagged me for this one... created by The Freelance Critic.

He says: "If you've ever listened to people talking on a bus you'll know that most of what they say is negative. They talk about things they hate, people that annoy them and boyfriends that let them down before they even think about mentioning the 'nice things.'

All of us do it. We find it natural, when with a friend, to moan.In fact a recent study has shown that the most effective form of human bonding is moaning and gossiping.Yet our blogs, the social tools of the 21st century, are populated by memes listing our 'favourites,' or our 'blessings,' or our 'funniest' moments. In our efforts to be readable we have denied others the one thing that makes us interesting - our whining, moaning, complaining selves.And so I am pleased to present the first ever Moaning Meme! The meme that will teach us all a bit more about each other and ourselves.It's time to spread some Personality... "

The Moaning Meme

5 people who will be annoyed you tagged them.

1. Wylie

2. Rhian (only cause I think her answers to this will be a crack-up)

3. Starrlight - cause she tagged me!

4. Anne

5. Gabriella

4 things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the earth.

One - Low Fat icecream - seriously, if I'm going to have icecream, then I want the highest level of fat available

Two - Compound Chocolate

Three - Late night infomercials - what happened to oldey, late night movies, so if you couldn't sleep you could at least watch something interesting while you did your ironing at 3.00am

Four - The assumption that just because you're round, you are also tall! Am sick of chopping 5 or more inches of the bottom of pants... though maybe if I wasn't so particularly about 1 and 2 this might not be a problem

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently.

One - Be rude to wait staff or telephone canvassers... somebody has to do this job... be nice

Two - hog parking spots, so that you can't get in front of them or behind them

Three - complain about the rain... we're experiencing a drought people... you should be thankful

2 things you find yourself moaning about.

One - why I can't meet anyone who wants to race me off...

Two - spoonfeeding people at work, which means I never have time to do my own work

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself.

I'm not very tolerant of people who are intolerant! And I obsess about food, a lot!

RULES:*Link to the original meme at FreelanceCynic.com so people know what it's all about!*Be as honest as possible, This is about letting people get to know the real you!*Try not to insult anyone - unless they really deserve it or are very, very ugly! *Post these rules at the end of every meme!Finally remember, cynical is sexy. At least that's what I'm hoping...

My string of pearls...

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything
very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but
just those that bring simple little pleasures,
following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string"
Anne Shirley, Anne of Avonlea, Lucy Maud Montgomery

Sorry, I haven't been around much... stuff happening, all small stuff, but stuff... so a quick catch up of random things from me...

* I've packed up my office as they are renovating, was told we needed to be out by this coming Friday, and then it was changed to end of the day Monday (yesterday) and then when I arrived at work told we had an hour! So, ironically, as the Safety Advisor, I am working of a tiny round table, just enough room for my PC.. working out of boxes, cheek by jowl with a colleague... just as well we like each other!

* Have had both high brow and low brow recreational activities, both organised by NPNP. The highbrow, saw the Bell Shakespeare production of Othello last week, was excellent, but we were sitting so close to the stage we got to see the actors spraying spit all over each other as they articulated!

* The lowbrow was NPNP coming over for what was supposed to be a trip out to the pub for dinner and a few drinks and maybe a check-out of the local talent, but ended up with both of us sitting in our tracky-dacks eating turkish bread, dip, potato chips and Mars bar slice, while getting ever so slightly inebriated (I slowly slid off my chair at one stage!). Again irony, forgoing the opportunity to meet men while we lamented how hard it is to meet men! Though NPNP has decided she needs to meet Mr Darcy or was that Colin Firth?

* I've had more alcohol in the last fortnight then I've had in the last 12 months... but have behaved myself (sliding off my chair not withstanding)

* More bloggy serendipity... our Public Affairs department asked us to review a draft of a handout for Careers Night and they'd changed all our names. I said I wanted to pick my own name, and my Manager said, you should be Roxanne... or Roxie... with that little husky voice of yours. And then I go to Silver Expressions and see their Stripper Name Flash Fiction post and see my stripper name is Roxie Glitter Bomb!

* I am very nervous as choir rehearsals start on Sunday... my manager said to me yesterday, I didn't know you could sing... to which I replied, I can't! But I couldn't tap dance either, and that didn't stop me...

* Am listening to the rehearsal CD so much that I am now dreaming some of these songs. Weird, almost hallucinogenic dreams, that involve friends and work colleagues tribal dancing in various states of semi-nakedness...

* While I am feeling emotionally well, I'm feeling physical unwell... a hovering cold, sneezy, stuffed up, headachy and tired, even blinking hurts at present. My throat is scratchy and I'm so cold... bed is the warmest place to be... so that's where I'm heading...g'night!

Which Anne of Green Gables character are you?

You are most like Anne Shirley. You love to day dream, read romance novels, and TALK! Yet, you are starving for love and attention, that is, till you come to Green Gables and meet Matthew, Marilla, and Mrs. Lynde.
Take this quiz!








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Someday my Spence will come...

Your Score: Katharine Hepburn

You scored 14% grit, 38% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

FROU FROU'S TO DO LIST:
* Find a funny, sarcastic, craggy, grumpy man of my own

Fortune Cookie... oh my ....

Your Fortune Is

It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

And to all those people in real life who know me well, SHUT UP WITH THE I TOLD YOU SO's....

FROU'S TO DO LIST...
* Stop falling in love with losers

Thursday Thirteen #5...A house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul... Phillip Moffat

I rent my home, and it meets my needs more than adequately, but it's not mine! So, I look at the online real estate sites and look at houses and floor plans and imagine my things inside them. Oh, I like that kitchen, yuk that paint colour is awful.

I moved out of home into a share house at 19, and had a miserable experience, and moved back to my parents home, temporarily, 18 months later. And didn't leave again, until 5 years ago... instead, with my brother, I bought the house - it is ours, though it will always be my mother's home - and hence I will always need to live elsewhere. Because I moved out with almost nothing, I had the advantage of money in my pocket and the ability to plan and pick what I wanted, and I surprised a lot of my closest friends when they discovered when it comes to house furnishings I'm fairly old-fashioned. Not sure why they were so surprised, as I've always loved old and kitschy things, trawling trash and treasure markets for bargains... like Bakelite canisters, and funky vegetable shaped crockery... I even have a set of flying ducks on my entry wall...

Anyway, if I were to built the house of dreams, these are the 13 things I would have... in no particularly order of importance...

One: An Attic I prefer houses that have lots of different rooms than big open spaces, while I can admire warehouse style living, it's not for me. And ever since I was a little girl, reading about the March sisters in their attic, I've dreamt of having one... whether as a space to retreat or as a bedroom

Two: Bath I love to play in the bath... and a bath big enough for two is my idea of bliss. I could live out every Cleopatra fantasy I've ever had in this bathroom.... milk bath anyone? Only think missing is a bookshelf... and the odd semi-naked man slave...

Three: Bedroom isn't the open fireplace gorgeous.. and the wing back chairs, and the white bed cover. A big soft bed, with lots of pillows, a fireplace, somewhere to sit while you put your socks on, lots of natural light... perfect!

I have a 1930s era cast iron bed, that sat in the shed at Mum's house for years, but I sanded and painted it cream when I moved. It's got a high head and foot, and stands close to a metre off the ground... everyone laughs at how high it is, asking if I need a footstool to get into it... MLDD calls it my Princess and the Pea bed... I love it.

Four:Conservatory isn't this an amazing space? Of course, during an Australian summer this space would be unbearable, but during autumn and winter it would be well used.

Can easily imagine curling up on the chaise lounge reading a book, or cuddling with a boy, listening to music and talking and fooling around. A glass of wine, a plate of fruit, cheese, crackers... Beulah peel me a grape!

Five: Guest Suite I have a spare room at present, that is also my junk room, ironing, filing cabinets, baskets of quilt fabrics and projects... anything I want to keep out of my living room.

It would be lovely to have a room that could be kept for guests. A nice bed, a comfy couch, a table to write at, a small bookshelf of bedtime reading.

Six:Country Kitchen considering I am a self-confessed undomestic goddess, I'm particular about kitchens... I want a white and timber kitchen, with lots of space to display all that funky and kitschy stuff I've collected. It needs to have lots of natural light, and lots and lots of cupboards... I like the bookshelves too.

I think even I'd cook if I had a kitchen like this.

Seven: A Library this is a must have, a place for all my books. And again, I like light, bright spaces. While I can admire the dark timbered libraries, I'd much prefer something like this.
With a mandatory soft and squishy couch, and preferably an open fireplace and lots of lamps. Bit of a theme being established here... isn't there. To be honest, I'd have bookshelves in every room of the house, if I had my way.

Eight: Breakfast Nook don't ask me why I like these, I just do. MLDD's family used to live in a 1930s era house that has a built in eatery, and I loved it.

Imagine playing footsies with someone here on a Sunday morning while you have a big breakfast and sharing the papers.


Nine: A Wrap Around Verandah warm summer evenings, sitting outside watching the world go by.

An afternoon tea party, with butterfly cakes, and sandwiches with the crusts cut off, and a pot of tea, or homemade lemonade, served on mismatched china covered in rosebuds and violets.

Ten:Quilt Studio oh, how lovely it would be to have a dedicated space for playing with needle and thread. Doesn't the wall of colour look amazing... I would be so inspired to create more if I could have a space like this, instead of everything crammed into boxes and baskets stored all over the house.






Eleven: Windowseats something else I'd love to have in every room of the house.

Welcome to Miss Frou Frou's house of laziness, indulgence and sloth...






Twelve: Sadie, the Cleaning Lady Meet Sadie... she's the second most important part of my wishlist (see 13!) If I'm going to have all this room, this is not a nice to have but a necessity. Repeat after me - UNDOMESTIC GODDESS










Thirteen: Seriously, do I need to explain this?

The Tyranny of Distance...

Back in the days when I was actively looking to meet men, I advertised in the personals in the newspaper, once in 1999 and again in 2004.

This was in the day that you would run an ad over 2 weeks, and record a brief message which guys would hear when they rang the code provided, and then they could leave a message for you with their contact details. Both times I received about 100 responses, not unusual, I'm told, there are always more men doing the personals things then there are women!

So, in the month or so after each ad ran I made a lot of phone calls! Usually saying Hi, you responded to my personals ad and I'm just calling you back. Both times, I never asked any specific questions, usually asking something along the lines of "So, tell me about you?" or "Is there anything you'd like to know about me?".

Invariably, either the first or second question asked of me was "Where do you live?". And then when I replied, the response would often be "Oh, that's not too far!" It got to be so common that I started saying "Really? Just out of interest, how far is too far?"

The responses were varied, but covered the basic premise which one guy happily elaborated on "She would have to be pretty special to travel for more than 45 minutes on a weeknight to see".

This would often then lead into a whole other lot of questions from me. "Why do you need to travel to see her - why can't you meet her halfway?" "Why can't she travel to see you?"

Usually they'd fluff around a bit... remember, we haven't met each other, so they were behaving reasonably well at that point, so I'd get umm's and aah's and vague responses... sometimes I'd leave it at that... sometimes, I'd push a bit further, if the guy was forthcoming and we were already into the banter thing.

Finally, one night a guy said - "I don't care where she lives if we're going out to dinner, but I'm only going out to dinner to meet someone to have sex with, and if she lives too far away, having sex regularly is too hard. Meeting half way's pointless, unless you're going to have sex in the car (little did he know I have a sex/car fetish) and I don't want her coming to my place, at least at first, cause I don't want her to stay. So, you find out where they live first off, and if it's too far away, you might meet her, but she's already got a mark against her". As stated before, men tell me the most amazing things, and then they wonder sometimes why I don't want to go out with them!

I used to think it was really funny and a bit sad... that men would be so practical about this... how many wonderful women did they exclude simply because of geography.

Until I met P through rsvp, who lived about an hour away by car. It wasn't just the distance that made things difficult, he had sole custody of 5 kids, and worked nights... he was getting up around the time I went to bed... so there were lots of late night phone calls as I was drifting off to sleep, and early morning (like 4.00am) phone calls when he got home from work. As I'm told I give great "phone" I don't think the fact that we rarely saw each other worried him as much as it worried me, and the combination of our clash in work time, his family commitments and the distance made things difficult and ultimately impossible... and I started to realise that maybe it's not such a stupid idea to stick closer to home.

So, the next time I did a search on rsvp I deliberately focused on men who lived within a 15klm radius... and discovered one of the guys I talked to actually lived at the other end of my street...and the policeman I met through my brief experiment with aff lived 5 minutes away(that's a whole other story, and yes, Virginia, men's bits do come in different shapes and sizes, as the photos in those profiles proved - never saw many faces but gee I saw an awful lot of peni...)

Sorry, 5 minutes away is way too close! In the same way that I don't want my Mother to be able to drive by on a daily basis to see if I'm home, or if I've got mail delivered, I don't really want to date someone who lives within walking distance.

So... is it so very wrong of me, to say I want to meet someone whose prepared to travel whatever distance is required to be with me... Literally, looking for someone who will make "500 miles" his theme song... not that I want him to be 500 miles away, but someone prepared to say:

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

On that note, a bit of stuff and nonsense from The Family Guy:

The Rat Run...

A rat run is a colloquial term for a short cut that traffic takes, usually on residential side streets in a urban area. ..The associations with "beating the crowd", the rush hour, rat race likely gave rise to the term. However, it literally derives from the habit of rats in finding and maintaining foraging routes that are covert... Wikipedia

I will confess, that I had never heard of the term 'rat run' until yesterday... in a surreal conversation with a couple of the guys from work...These 3 guys, are part of a small group that have formed a bit of a clique within our much larger organisation. I don't know any of them very well, but what interaction I have with them, either singularly or as a group, always makes me smile if not laugh out loud, even though they can be a little intimidating en masse...so tight with one another, that sometimes it seems they are deliberately excluding others.

So my slightly left of centre mind... ok, ok, very left of centre mind, in hearing the term being bandied about yesterday, made mental connections of rats and a group of cool dudes and came up not with images of this:

But images of this! Those too cool for school guys, The Rat Pack.
Considering the conversation that took place, and my flights of fancy today, I'm even now more convinced that my very left of centre mind is on to something (the conversation below is not verbatim, can't remember all of it, as it was a jumble of interjection and overtalking, but I think you'll get the gist).

MFF to Dino: Do you still go that round the back way you told me about?
Frankie: DINO! Did you tell her about the rat-run?
MFF (confused): The what? Oh, Dino told me months ago about going a different way to work
Dino: No - you're mistaken. I've never told you that (giving me evil eye squints and jerking his head strangely) you're mistaking me with Sammy
Frankie: Dino, you know the rules about disclosing the rat-run... I'm going to have to report you to the committee... 1st rule... tell no one!
MFF: (even more confused): Are we talking about the same thing? The route that takes you over that funky bridge. The one I told you I drove over once, but never will again...(shudders) Sammy told me about a different way too...
Dino: See Frankie, told you... it was Sammy... not me (still grimacing at me wildly, but starting to laugh)
Frankie (stiff with mock indignation): Well, I don't know about this... Frou you're not supposed to know about the rat-run...only the Committee know about the rat-run... can't have every rat-run imposter knowing
MFF: Seriously, WHAT are you talking about? If it's the route I think Dino was telling me about:
Dino (loudly): It wasn't me I tell you, it was Sammy... I didn't tell you anything...
MFF (ignoring him): .... I ain't going to go that way anyway, as it's semi-rural, I'm an inner city chick, all those windy roads, no street lights, no traffic lights, gives me the heebees...
Frankie: Well, I suppose it's ok if you know, but you're not allowed to tell anyone... go photocopy the map and I'll mark it out for you
Joey: Heah, Frou
Frankie: I checked with Joey, he says it's ok... we can tell you 'bout the rat-run, but you can't tell anyone (marks route on map) you need to memorise this as this map will self-destruct in 30 seconds (male laughter)
MFF: Guys, I've already told you, I'm not driving that way, that bridge gives me the willies
Joey in an aside to Dino: What's she talking about, there's nothing wrong with the bridge?
Dino to Joey: She can't help it, she's not very logical
3 male voices in unison: Nah, Frou, it's fine... one side has to give way to the other, and when in doubt you just floor it... manly chests puffed out, smirking at each other
Dino (dreamily): it's a pretty drive, sometimes you get to see moo moo's. (2 sets of male eyes look at him like he's just grown a second head)
MFF: When you're talking about moo moo's I'm assuming you're making reference to the bovine variety, as opposed to a collection of fat women in colourful tentlike outfits standing by the side of road...
Laughter...

Mez, in her blog on Big Brother confirming her suspicions about human behaviour said:
1) Men in groups bigger than 2 sometimes act as bullies because they egg each other on
2) Not all men get involved in the bullies thing - but the ones that do would probably be best described as "blokey" men (at their most innocent)

And I agreed with her, have certainly seen my fair share of male group behaviour that is less than admirable, though thankfully, rarely directed at me. Though once overheard a group of guys we'd met at a pub debating which one of us girls they'd do... and had to listen to them discuss the various pro's and con's of my friends and I, including the prince charming whinging about why he always ended up with the fat one (that would be me, by the way!). He got his 'justs' when I deliberately inadvertently ground my knee into his manticles soft, squishy bits when he tried to pull me on to his lap.

But, in my experience, when you get the chance to either observe or interact with a group of men, it can be a weird and wonderful (but often very, very silly) thing, and I'm fortunate that over the years, there have been groups of men that I've been allowed to hang with. #

• the group of boys in high school, that had known one another since preps, who had the macho posturing down to a fine art, but were totally clueless about women, that used to talk to me about how to get girls to notice them##
• the footy team boys, both juniors and seniors, that I got to know, cause my Godfather was coach and I helped out with drinks at games most weekends. Learnt very early that 18-20 year old boys have very few interests - sex, sport, sex, alcohol... ah did I mention sex and that 20-35 year old men have pretty much the same interests... they can just sometimes be a bit more subtle about it
  
• the guys in various office environments, who liked the fact that I'll have a beer, and my usual reaction to ripe language particularly the over abundance of the 'f' word is to say... um ahh, you just used that naughty in and out word... that would usually have the blokiest of blokes, blushing and stammering and apologising until they realised I was laughing...
• even hanging out with Peter Rabbit and my most recent opportunity to see him in his natural masculine habitat, after being invited to go with him as his date for a school mates 40th, realised that he behaves very differently when he's out with me, or my friends, then when he's with his mates... where the conversation for most of the night was about football, and all sorts of motorsports, and I got to observe the age old ritual of men leaning over mesmerised by the inner workings of a car engine... and they say us girls go gaga over shoes!
  

I used to think I was a bit of an 'honorary' boy... certainly have had my fair share of conversations with men, that would be deemed inappropriate subject matter for most female ears... MLDD always tells me, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to finding out way more than I'm comfortable with, in regard to men and their habits.

Apparently the appropriate response to a guy describing how he organised 'home deliveries' from the local brothel when he broke both legs in a motorcycle accident is to change the subject pronto... rather than my usual eternal curiosity along the lines, of really, but how did you actually manage it, if you couldn't move your legs... (can't help it... my mind paints vivid mental pictures) - though what does it say about him, and/or me, that this conversation took place on a first date... and he then went on to ask me if I'd like to go to the local strip club with him.###

Trying to hold an intelligent conversation while looking into the glazed eyes of a dozen or so of those 18-20 year old boys, who'd at the footy weekend away, in 48 hours consumed enormous quantities of alcohol, held fart and belch competitions, eaten nothing that hadn't come in a wrapper or cardboard box and had p0rn on an endless rotation on the TV was a challenge...

It was also a challenge when one of the shyest, quietest of the bunch introduces you to his girlfriend, Sally Sanyo, the vacuum cleaner, and proudly shows off the perfectly circular love bite/ bruises all over his torso, and through your horrified laughter, you try to ascertain if he'd tried to see just how well good ole Sally was in the suction department... and had he done himself any permanent damage.

So while I can understand Mez's observations, I think there is nothing sweeter than a group of smart, funny, clever boys riffing together and being allowed to be a part of it. Can honestly say I don't ever remember hanging with a group of guys I knew and feeling uncomfortable about the tone or subject matter, regardless of what we were discussing.

It's only the group mentality when men are interacting with women they don't know that can be disconcerting... particularly where alcohol is also involved...

Edit - Saturday: In thinking about this, the hanging with the guys experiences have diminished as I've got older... not sure why that is? It's only with work colleagues that it's more likely to exist now, and usually only within working hours and the workplace. Whereas as a younger woman, I probably had equal numbers of male/female friends...and in the workplace we were more likely to socialise outside work hours.

I wonder if it's linked to something else I've been pondering writing about... how male friends slowly drift away once they partner up, finding it difficult to maintain friendships with single women (or this single woman anyway)? Or is it that older men don't hang out together as much, and when they do, its usually excluding women all together? Or am I less likely to engage with groups of men, now that I am older? Would be curious to hear opinions...

# I do not assume that 'The Rat Run Pack' are suddenly going to allow me in amongst their group, as previously stated, they are all pretty tight with each other and I'm an outsider...not because I'm female but because not only am I one of the new kids on the block, but one of the 'downstairs' people, I am tolerated, not excluded, but not included either...they just allow me the privilege of the odd glimpse into their world...which is fine... considering I'm probably old enough to be mother, or much older sister to most of them...

## Have no idea why men always ask my advice about wooing women - considering I have the worst record in the world about having and maintaining relationships. Even simple things like telling a guy that he shouldn't wait to call a girl if he's enjoyed a date. Apparently, according to the Groove Train Gang, if a guy rang you the next day to say he'd had a good time, they'd think he was a stalker... whereas I'd think it was sweet, and meant that he liked me...

### needless to say, there was no second date.. but that was more because he looked like the leather man from The Village People, except the handlebar moustache was red! What can I say, I'm shallow...