Things I have learned... in no particular order of importance...

• Drooling and dribbling and sighing 'oh my god, look at the size of his hands' is probably not the most appropriate response when being introduced to the very cute, but very young (28) new guy at work...

• I am not much of a team player... I love working as part of a team, as long as no-one else is doing MY job...

• I do not delegate well...

• Working 10-12 hours days for 3 weeks in a row in order to have a week off kinda defeats the purpose of having a holiday...

• Particularly when you then go back to working 10-12 hour days on your return...
  

• Telling men that you need to mother-proof your house prior to a visit has them thinking of p0rn and a drawerful of goodies... and their eyes glaze over...

• As does telling them that you are going on a d1ck-free weekend with your girlfriends...
  

• Having slightly hairy legs on a girls away weekend is probably better than attempting to shave said legs at midnight in the bathtub when you've spent the previous 48 hours doped up to the gills due to back spasm...

• Legs bleed a lot...

• Starting belly dancing lessons is probably not the smartest thing to do when you are in the middle of a full blown fibromyalgia episode...

• People think it's funny that the one body part that gets injured after belly dancing lesson number one is your ANKLE...

• Keeping quiet about the boobage and bum cramp after your first belly dancing lesson is probably not a bad thing...

• Men, want to talk to me and feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with me, which is lovely...

• Feeling comfortable enough to shut up and just jump my bones on occasion would be even lovelier...

• Despite the fact that I often make reference to being a little fat girl, and my humour is self-deprecating, I actually like myself, a lot...

• Which is probably just as well, as it becomes clearer every day that my world and the rest of the planet are often slightly out of kilter and it's likely to be a long while before a lovely man tells me to shut up and jumps my bones...

• Just as well I'm an optimist... someday my prince will come... sigh!

Sorry... you know what they say... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... well... that's why I've been so quiet...

Life is too short for self hatred and celery sticks...

And so begins a new series of blog posts... My Life as a Bumper Sticker (Button/ T-shirt)...

I'm a big girl... as has been mentioned several times since this blog began... most notably in response to Sheila's comments about the Little, Fat, Funny Girl tag on the blog back in the early days... so I don't need to harp on the fact that I'm a short, lush, curvy, womanly woman... and fairly happy to be so.

BUT...

I don't obsess about my weight, rarely hop on the scales so it was a shock when I did spontaneously on Friday and realised I'd gained 3kgs since I last weighed myself and have gained close to 8 kgs over the last 12 months.

This is the heaviest I've been since a major change in my life 5 years ago saw me lose a tremendous amount slowly over a 12 month period... not because of dieting, just a change in eating habits and general lifestyle. I'm still a long way off my heaviest weight and don't imagine I'd go back to that... but I'm not feeling very healthy.

And I'm certainly aware since my brother's bout with kidney cancer in January, that being on the heavy side and not very fit is ok when your general state of being is wellness, when you are ill carrying extra poundage can have a significant impact on your ability to cope with ill-health.

My problem is that I've never been much of an exercise junkie... I like exercise that occurs as a result of some activity like dancing or going for a walk etc. but the thought of actually doing exercise for the sake of exercise just gives me the blahs... hence the treadmill parked in front of the TV for the last month has become a great place to hang the ironing... sigh...

It's also not that I eat too much... it's that I do not eat enough... I can go all day without any food at all, and don't often actually feel the sensation of hunger. I've fallen off the dieting wagon many a time because there is too much food to eat, not that there is too little...

As someone who is often distracted by some creative idea I can regularly forget to feed and water myself!

All of this is linked a lot to the fact that I'm so cerebral... I live in my head most of the time, rarely if ever acknowledging my physical self... until it turns on me and smacks me upside the head and says enough is enough... which is what it's doing at present... with ongoing viral problems and muscle fatigue and aches and pains.

I'm never going to be a slim girl... well - I could be if I hit the gym on a daily basis and existed on celery sticks and water... and that sure as eggs isn't ever likely to happen. And actually, don't think I'd want to be a skinny, skinny girl... I'm quite happy with my curves and bumps... even if they are rapidly heading earthward as gravity and mid-life sets in.

BUT... as well as feeling unwell there are a few too many lumps on my bumps at present for me to feel comfortable...that's vanity... and I'm happy to admit to it... and dropping those 8kgs would make me feel a whole lot better I suspect... both physically and psychologically.

I'm talking about getting back on the dating scene, and to be positive in that atmosphere means I need to feel positive about myself... at the minute, the only time I'd want to be naked with someone would be if he was blindfolded (tied to a bed would be good too... but that's a whole other blog post... )

So... I'm not dieting... I'm getting healthier... my friend S (who is studying for her personal trainer certificate) is making up an eating plan for me that is realistic... we looked at one of those services that supplies all your food, but most of it is that horrible plastic reheat in the microwave stuff.... yuk... yuk...

She's creating a plan that includes food I like to eat, that is easy to prepare for one... and will allow for me to go out for dinner etc. with friends, which I do a lot and don't want to stop doing.

As we work together she's going to act as my coach... reminding me to eat... often! And a group of us are starting to go for a daily walk at lunchtimes, which will be good for me on a number of levels as most days I work through lunch, grabbing a quick sandwich if I remember. I'm clearing the ironing off the treadmill and will at least try to use it every 2nd day... if only for half an hour...

And setting myself a target of going shopping in late November for a Frou Frou dress for our work Christmas Party... I'm going to buy myself something gorgeous, get my hair done... and then let my hair down... and party the night away... preferably with a nice boy who likes blindfolds and being tied to the bedpost... !

I've got the music in me...

Oh, wow... hard to tell you all about Saturday, except that it was the most magical experience.

I still will not profess to being much of a singer, have no idea whether I stayed on pitch or not, but I was able to follow all of the instructions from our Choir Director, Vicki King, even when she mucked up at one stage and didn't give us our cue for a verse of a song... a minor glitch that only the choir and soloist noticed.

Was on the verge of tears several times, but managed to keep it together... though all of the soloists coming back onstage to reprise My Island Home at the end had me blinking rapidly and squeezing Miss La De Da's hand tightly.

I struggled a little with my back injury and sore feet from standing up, but the pain disappeared the minute we stood on stage, and started to sing... and then returned with a vengeance once I got off stage... hence this reasonably short blog post and still being a bit tardy in getting around to catch up with everyone else's blogs.

Am home for a couple of days, mostly sleeping and reading and doing some applique while watching TV, with the heatpack applied. OH - and attempting to dye my hair back to the chocolate brown colour that I was 12 months ago has left me an interesting shade of maroon/brown/red! I like it - it matched my t-shirt!

If you want to listen to some of the amazing soloists and musicians who played with us on Saturday, check these out - most have music you can listen to online.

Akasa - made up of Vicki King, Diana Clark, Heidi Bradburn, Andrea Watson - sang Walking Song and Vicki sang lead on Walk with Me with the choir... that's one of my blubber songs!
Kavisha Mazzella - I am such a fan of this woman and her music now... go down to the bottom of the page and listen to a track from her album... hope to see her at Darebin Music Feast
Diana Clark - sang Breathe into Time, and also sang two songs with the choir.
Doug de Vries - brilliant guitarist... played Elegy for Rita
Tali White - wrote a wonderful song called "Wave Building" especially for the choir, as he said, think mix between rock opera and bollywood and you'd have a bit of a feel for it... he is a bit of a whirling dervish... Tali is involved with The Guild League and The Lucksmiths
Valanga Khoza - sang Thula Mama with the choir - another emotional song... gorgeous, gorgeous voice
Paulo Almeida from the Dili Allstars - sang with the choir on O Hele Le
Lou Bennett - oh, wow... she was amazing... sang Lingmarra with us at the start of the concert and then came back to do the most emotional version of My Island Home with us... I'm hoping to see her during the Darebin Music Feast
Liz Frencham - played Double Bass and taught the crowd and the choir a lovely song that we sang along with
Ron Murray - wowed us with his didgeridoo... both in the opening song, Lingmarra and later in the encore of My Island Home

There were others, including a performance by The West Papuan Culture Group that was very moving... and the wonderful Dani Fry belting out a great gospel track with us.

Now, all I need to do is go chasing up albums for all these wonderful people, and prepare for concert two on Friday night... still plenty of tickets available for any Melbourne readers... not so many of us singing this time ... only about 160! Miss La De Da and I have been having a quiet nightmare about her and I being the only Alto 1's in attendance...

Ain't got no troubles in my life, no foolish dreams to make me cry, I'm never frightened or worried, I know I'll always get by... I've got the music in me, I've got the music in me....

Blogindipity strikes again! Found this quiz at Chicken-Scratch... I can live with this one!


You are Schroeder!
Take this quiz!

It's the end of the world as we know it....

You know what they say, it's not over
till the fat lady sings.... guess what?

Yes, tomorrow is the big day... first Choir Concert - which is sold out... 450 seated and approx. 200 standing... and me and 250+ of my closest friends singing up a storm...

Sorry I've been a bit out of the loop this week... at rehearsal last Sunday I pulled a muscle in my back that has seen me very, very uncomfortable sitting, standing and lying down all week.. so I've limited my time on the computer...

Who knows what I'll be like tomorrow night after about 8 hours of standing... most of which will be singing... or at least pretending to sing... am still struggling a bit with the phrasing of one of the songs... so can expect a bit of mumbling and fudging tomorrow...

Some of the songs we are singing are so haunting beautiful that I cry when I sing them... so will be interesting to see what it's like tomorrow on stage... more like others will be crying at my singing!

Anyway, will promise to catch up with everyone soon...

Thursday Thirteen #9... 13 Random Thoughts from a Space Cadet

Well, I'm sorry I've been away... head cold turned into a major dose of flu, still not quite up to scratch, but getting there slowly. Thank you to all of you for lovely messages... nice to know I was missed a little...

So, today's Thursday Thirteen - the week that was for me...

One - learning to sing songs in another language (koori, polynesian and east timorese) is a bit difficult when you feel like you're walking around with a bucket on your head... could barely hear anyone at 2nd choir rehearsal

Two - singing in a group is also a bit of a waste of time in the same circumstances. Miss La De Da was asking me if I was actually singing, to which I replied, yes - loudly from my end - she thought I was miming! Maybe I was practising how I'm going to survive the concerts? Though singing the chorus of Singing in the Rain with my tongue out, knees bent and bum out as part of the warm-up exercise was great fun.

Three - for someone who struggles to sleep, I think I've made up for this year's insomnia in the last week... though fever induced dreams are often less than restful.

Four - I'm going to struggle to look a work colleague in the eye next time I see him considering the fever induced dream I had about him... though I was a bit disappointed on briefly waking that I didn't go back into the dream... hooley dooley... if I didn't already have a fever I sure did after!

Five - Feed the cold, starve the fever they say... pity everything tastes so bloody awful... knew I was really sick when even chocolate couldn't tempt me.

Six - Is it just me, or do other people hate blowing their nose? I hate it, such an inelegant thing to do... particularly when you're full of head cold

Seven - and speaking of noses, why is it that one nostril always gets blocked and the other drips non- stop?

Eight - I am so glad that I kept all my daggy, soft flannel shirts and leggings. I've lived in them for the last week, with big fluffy bedsocks... what with ratty hair, and a red nose and cracked lips I looked a treat... just as well as I live on my own... fancy coming home to that!

Nine - I had a quiet sob to myself at one stage, cause I was on my own... all I wanted was someone to give me a hug... it's hugs and cuddles that I miss more than anything about being single

Ten - Despite being full of snot, I managed to get to my Winter Solstice ceremony, it was lovely, though my meditation was probably temperature induced, had visions of a cavern with a circle of fire rising up to meet a circle of stalactites, which melted and smoked... was told I needed both fire and water, need both to be balanced.

Eleven - If you're going to be a bit spacey, might as well make the most of it, so have been reading Harry Potter - have read the first 3 books pretty much back to back, am now started on number 4.

Twelve - Engaged in even more spaceyness, by spending all of yesterday curled up on the couch watching the first 12 episodes of Heroes... wow, what a fantastic show... perfectly suited my wants and needs...

Thirteen - I've had 12 days of sleepy, dozy, spacey, snotty, achey, shakeydom (only need 1 more and I've got my own version of the seven dwarfs - have you met my friend pukey?)

We interrupt our broadcast....

Sorry, no Thursday Thirteen today... am still struggling with major head cold.

A word to the wise... probably not a good idea to take 2 antihistamines when you're not used to them... it can result in feeling a lot like this...



Normal transmissions will resume as soon as I return from la la land...