So Who Needs Roses...

So who needs roses
or stuff like that
so who needs chocolates
they'd make me fat

and I can get along just fine
without a gushing Valentine
and I'd get by, kid
with just the guy, kid

and if he calls me
and it's collect
Sir Walter Raleigh
I don't expect

and though I know I may be left
out on a limb
so who needs roses
that didn't come from him
(Jerry Herman, I Won't Send Roses - Reprise, Mack and Mabel Soundtrack)

I love the song above, and I guess it encapsulates how I feel about love and relationships. I've had several conversations about St Valentine's Day in the last week that have been a bit frustrating.

Peter Rabbit last weekend, used the very male excuse that it is a commercial ripoff...to which I asked, do you buy your Dad a Father's Day present, take your Mum out to lunch for Mother's Day? So what's the difference? Its an excuse to thank someone, to celebrate with someone you care about.

To which he replied, I'd rather do something spontaneous on another day than have to do something on this particular day... which sounds fine but is just ... more boy crap frankly... as February 14th is the perfect day to do something spontaneous... and really how many times do people do loving and special things for their partners or prospective partners that are truly spontaneous?

It then lead into a discussion about how much fuss do you make i.e. must you do flowers, and if you do what kind etc.

A friend once perplexed a room full of boys asking about the whole 'buying flowers' thing by saying she would marry the man who arrived at her door with a bunch of bananas wrapped in ribbon. They thought she was insane, but she turned to me and said you know what I mean don't you... to which I replied yes, you love bananas, and the guy who showed up with a bunch of them would know that, and therefore it would be the perfect gift.

In the same vein,one girlfriend is a savoury rather than sweet person - I'd never buy her chocolate, I'd buy her a gourmet selection of cheeses instead.

And here was I reassuring him that a gesture didn't need to be extravagant to have meaning, to then have two female friends say 'it's roses or nothing', though one then conceded that tulips were ok too. I wanted to bitch slap them both...

So, here are the Miss Frou Frou rules for St Valentines Day:

Yes, I'd love flowers thank you very much, any kind really, though I'm actually not much of a roses girl. I'd much rather have a posy picked from the garden, or a cheerful bunch of multi-coloured gerberas or a bunch of violets. In response to my pretend whinge to my first love that he'd never bought me flowers, he showed up at a pub to celebrate my birthday, many years later, with 10 foot tall sunflowers, carried like a spear over his shoulder. His then girlfriend, now wife, said if you'd seen him at midnight climbing over the back fence stealing these from the neighbours garden, chuckling to himself about how cool these would be, you'd have been in stitches. I loved them, had no flipping idea what to do with them, but I loved them, cause he had taken such pleasure in getting them for me.

And yes, chocolate is also always good... though I'm going to be a bit more of a chocolate snob, and say if you're thinking of buying me a jumbo tin of chocolates from the Reject shop, please don't bother. Lindt chocolate, particularly Lindor, will get my undying gratitude, and I'll even share...

I like the idea of being surprised at work... so send me flowers or a bunch of balloons in the office. I know some people would be mortified if you did the same to them, but heah I love being the centre of attention, so bring it on... though maybe not the male stripper... thanks anyway... But if you're really brave, and you know that I like you, deliver them yourself... but be prepared to be slobbered over...

Again, it's not how much you spend, but it's how much effort you put into it that counts... I like the idea of someone making me a mix tape of songs that remind them of me... or a mix tape of songs they love that they wanted to share with me...

Take me to the movies, to see some sad, soppy film... or better yet, invite me home to dinner, and have the DVD set up with A Room with A View, or When Harry Met Sally or Little Women, and wine and chocolates and a big box of tissues, and be prepared to let me sob into your neck...

I want a card... doesn't have to be a mushy one... actually I prefer funny, weird cards... but I want something that I can keep, with a special message inside... so write an ode to my loveliness and I'll be yours forever...

Grin and bear it... if you're someone who'd rather have a back, sac and crack wax then dance... take me dancing... or some other thing that you know I love that you hate... and I promise to go with you to the monster trucks or the cricket or whatever it is that you do, that I hate. Except camping... if you really want to sleep in a tent and pee in the woods, you can park me at the nearest b' & b' and when you come back after your he-man adventure I'll be there with a bubble bath and a warm bed...

And most importantly of all, let me spoil you... let me buy you flowers and chocolates... or invite you over for a game of strip poker...

And for my Valentine, wherever he may be, in the words of Rodgers and Hart:

My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart

Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak are you smart?

But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day