Death by Dating...

"How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"... Judy Tenuta

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm pretty sure I'm about to get back onto the online dating merry-go-round... argh...

Over the last couple of weeks there have been several conversations with friends at work about how to get me out there meeting people. For the most part, my close friends are female, those male friends that I have are either married or in relationships or frankly clueless... seriously, have never seen the benefits of having male friends who can hook you up with their mates... this has never happened to me!

Of course, when pressed over the last couple of weeks about the type of guy I'd like to meet I've been at a bit of a loss... oh, I'd really like to meet a man who attracts me, who is equally attracted to me, but will facilitate between interest and total disinterest over a number of years, and basically treat me badly, and then tell me that he values our friendship... cause at least then I'd know what to expect!

"They keep saying the right person will come along,
I think mine got hit by a truck"... anonymous

I have no idea who the right person is... so when Ms B. at lunch the other day said we should put you up onto a well known singles site to say I was a bit ambivalent would be an understatement. Though she has said when she returns from holidays in two weeks we'll take some photos and work on a profile - so she wants me to think about what I'd like to say.

"A good woman is worth, if she were sold, the fairest crown that's made of purest gold"... John Wodroephe

I've not had much success with this before. I did ok with the newspaper based personals, where you had a print ad, and then people could ring and leave a voice message. Well I did ok at getting a lot of responses, even if it was mostly lots of first dates.

As I said to Ms. Chief at dinner tonight... I'm obviously good at marketing but not necessarily at sales... can get them in with the razzle dazzle, but rarely close the deal. Though in all honestly, it was often me who backed out rather than them...

Problem with these online things is they are so regimented and restrictive... a virtual shopping list of features, single, separated, divorced, even married. Wants kids, has kids, doesn't like kids. Slim, athletic, average, a bit overweight, largish... interestingly I rarely see men describe themselves as largish... even when it's obvious from their photo's that they are! Smoker, non-smoker. Political and religious persuasion. Do you want 'em young, old, short, tall - living within a 10 klm radius or interstate. What kind of music do they like? What about movies? Books? Sport?

Apparantly 2/3rd of the male population of Australia love The Shawshank Redemption, rarely read anything other than the newspaper and think enjoying going camping often is a positive thing (I'll write a whole other post about the likelihood of ever seeing Miss Frou Frou pitching a tent and peeing in the woods)

"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are"... Chauncey Depew

But still... there's a part of me that would like to meet someone... a yearning... to share... to have someone to belong to... someone who gets me... someone who wants to wrestle naked...

Someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"... Agatha Christie

And I'd really like to meet this clever, funny, kind, kooky naked wrestler before all my soft and wobbly bits slip and bunch up around my ankles!

The last time I advertised in the personals it said this:

Before I turn 46 - next March -
I would like to make love (as often as possible)
with a man I like a lot - last 6 words are the important part!!!

ME? 45, funny (both funny haha and funny weird at times). Smart, without being a show off or know-it-all. A great conversationalist, can guarantee to provide opportunities for weird and wacky conversations. Genuinely curious about how the male mind (and other bits) works. I'm not stunning, but you wont need a paperbag either. Am not slim, but as long as you don't try to carry me across a threshold I doubt you'd sustain any serious damage. I don't bite, unless you say please first.

The wording was quite deliberately provocative... a male friend had looked at my original draft and said I was too subtle and men didn't do subtle. So this was my attempt at being direct and still there was confusion, with most people reading the opening paragraphs as... blah, blah, blah, make love (as often as possible), blah, blah, blah - which translated further into she's up for it... sex, sex, sex!

I pulled the pin after a month or so, as I got sick of explaining the intent behind the words... though I did meet 1 guy for a dinner who then rang me a week later to say he liked me a lot and was 'strangely aroused' at dinner.... had I deliberately tried to turn him on? Ummm... that would be a no...

So considering my experience to date... what do you reckon? How do you like my chances if I used something like this? Of course, easiest thing to do would be to get prospective suitors to read this blog... if they read my mad scramblings and were still interested I'd be interested in meeting them, if only to see just how crazy they were!