Showing posts with label crazy stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy stuff. Show all posts

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Dance little lady dance...

We had our work Christmas Party last night... a torturous drive up into the mountains only to discover on arriving at the Restaurant that they'd lost power!

So what was meant to be a 3 course meal with a DJ to dance the night away looked like turning out to be a bit different...

BUT... one of the reasons I love my work is people seem to be able to make the best of situations... we had candlelight all over including candles in the loo's so we could see what we were doing... and a cold entree, 130 warm dinners cooked on one small gas cooktop and purchased icecreams for dessert!

The disappointing thing was the lack of music... but when one couple got up onto the dance floor and started to dance to nothing... I said to one of my colleagues, what we should be doing is formation dancing like The Nutbush, Bus Stop etc. She said, I'm game if you are... so out we went and started to do the Nutbush and then within seconds had about a dozen girls up dancing in perfect harmony...

Next thing we know the DJ, doing a wonderfully inventive improv of his own, rigged up his ipod to his laptop and with the aid of the emergency evacuation megaphone we had music... tinny, distorted but music... and we were off!

I then spent the better part of the night dancing, at one point teaching some of the others basic belly dancing so we shimmied and wobbled across the floor... but the best part of the night was dancing with Ms. J... one of my workmates who is just totally gorgeous and insane. At one point I kissed her smack on the lips and said I love you as you make me feel pretty normal in comparison to your antics. Ms.J. has a basic style of dance... dorky ala Kath and Kel! And she gets into it with such gusto that she had us all doing it... though she was the only one regularly flashing her knickers.

At one point the only 4 people left on the dance floor making monkeys of ourselves were myself, Ms. J. and 2 other work colleagues and we let it rip... bogan dancing to AC/DCs you shook me all night long. When a disapproving person made some wisecrack to my boss... she came up and joined us, much to the amusement of the majority of the others...

Am paying for it today... can barely move... but gee it was worth it... I had the bestest time...

For those of you not familiar with Kath and Kel just watch this, and watch Kath (silver permed foxy lady) to get an idea of what Ms. J and the rest of us got up to!

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Things I have learned... in no particular order of importance...

  • Drooling and dribbling and sighing 'oh my god, look at the size of his hands' is probably not the most appropriate response when being introduced to the very cute, but very young (28) new guy at work...
  • I am not much of a team player... I love working as part of a team, as long as no-one else is doing MY job...
  • I do not delegate well...
  • Working 10-12 hours days for 3 weeks in a row in order to have a week off kinda defeats the purpose of having a holiday...
  • Particularly when you then go back to working 10-12 hour days on your return...
  • Telling men that you need to mother-proof your house prior to a visit has them thinking of p0rn and a drawerful of goodies... and their eyes glaze over...
  • As does telling them that you are going on a d1ck-free weekend with your girlfriends...
  • Having slightly hairy legs on a girls away weekend is probably better than attempting to shave said legs at midnight in the bathtub when you've spent the previous 48 hours doped up to the gills due to back spasm...
  • Legs bleed a lot...
  • Starting belly dancing lessons is probably not the smartest thing to do when you are in the middle of a full blown fibromyalgia episode...
  • People think it's funny that the one body part that gets injured after belly dancing lesson number one is your ANKLE...
  • Keeping quiet about the boobage and bum cramp after your first belly dancing lesson is probably not a bad thing...
  • Men, want to talk to me and feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with me, which is lovely...
  • Feeling comfortable enough to shut up and just jump my bones on occasion would be even lovelier...
  • Despite the fact that I often make reference to being a little fat girl, and my humour is self-deprecating, I actually like myself, a lot...
  • Which is probably just as well, as it becomes clearer every day that my world and the rest of the planet are often slightly out of kilter and it's likely to be a long while before a lovely man tells me to shut up and jumps my bones...
  • Just as well I'm an optimist... someday my prince will come... sigh!


Sorry... you know what they say... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... well... that's why I've been so quiet...

Friday, 2 November 2007

She's back.......!

Hi all... have you missed me? Have you really missed me?

When I had a tarot reading a couple of weeks ago when she said that the next few months would be primarily focussed on work she wasn't kidding... pity this is what my work is life at present... sigh...



If you're feeling in the mood to laugh out loud often you'll find more of the brilliance of Doug Savage's Savage Chickens here.

And just 'cause... it seems a very appropriate at present... my life as a movie.... would be... wait for it...


The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

Friday, 7 September 2007

Members wanted... The All Over the Shop Choir...



Can you - sing Soprano, Alto, Tenor and Bass, preferably all within the same verse?

Can you - when you can't remember the actual words, convincingly fluff around, emote and make weird vocal noises that imitate singing?

Can you - dance like a dork, completely out of rhythm with what you're actually singing, but nevertheless keep swinging those hips?

Can you - make mistakes in 2 out of 13 songs, but manage to ensure no-one in the audience notices?

Can you do all of these things and still have a ripsnorting, ripper of a time?

If this sounds like you, Miss Frou Frou and Miss La De Da, Choir Leaders
are recruiting for the All Over the Shop Choir...
experienced singers need not apply!

Friday, 24 August 2007

It's the end of the world as we know it....



You know what they say, it's not over
till the fat lady sings.... guess what?

Yes, tomorrow is the big day... first Choir Concert - which is sold out... 450 seated and approx. 200 standing... and me and 250+ of my closest friends singing up a storm...

Sorry I've been a bit out of the loop this week... at rehearsal last Sunday I pulled a muscle in my back that has seen me very, very uncomfortable sitting, standing and lying down all week.. so I've limited my time on the computer...

Who knows what I'll be like tomorrow night after about 8 hours of standing... most of which will be singing... or at least pretending to sing... am still struggling a bit with the phrasing of one of the songs... so can expect a bit of mumbling and fudging tomorrow...

Some of the songs we are singing are so haunting beautiful that I cry when I sing them... so will be interesting to see what it's like tomorrow on stage... more like others will be crying at my singing!

Anyway, will promise to catch up with everyone soon...

Monday, 20 August 2007

Your heard it here first, folks.... I iz complex!


You're Watership Down!
by Richard Adams
Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

No - I iz crazy!

Anyone remember Harvey?

Nothing to see here folks... am exhausted, but excited...

Choir concert in 5 more sleeps... and then 3 days of solitary bliss... not sure what pleases me more to be honest - this spending time with people thing is hard work!

Thursday, 9 August 2007

Death by Dating...


"How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"... Judy Tenuta


I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm pretty sure I'm about to get back onto the online dating merry-go-round... argh...

Over the last couple of weeks there have been several conversations with friends at work about how to get me out there meeting people. For the most part, my close friends are female, those male friends that I have are either married or in relationships or frankly clueless... seriously, have never seen the benefits of having male friends who can hook you up with their mates... this has never happened to me!

Of course, when pressed over the last couple of weeks about the type of guy I'd like to meet I've been at a bit of a loss... oh, I'd really like to meet a man who attracts me, who is equally attracted to me, but will facilitate between interest and total disinterest over a number of years, and basically treat me badly, and then tell me that he values our friendship... cause at least then I'd know what to expect!

"They keep saying the right person will come along,
I think mine got hit by a truck"... anonymous


I have no idea who the right person is... so when Ms B. at lunch the other day said we should put you up onto a well known singles site to say I was a bit ambivalent would be an understatement. Though she has said when she returns from holidays in two weeks we'll take some photos and work on a profile - so she wants me to think about what I'd like to say.


"A good woman is worth, if she were sold, the fairest crown that's made of purest gold"... John Wodroephe

I've not had much success with this before. I did ok with the newspaper based personals, where you had a print ad, and then people could ring and leave a voice message. Well I did ok at getting a lot of responses, even if it was mostly lots of first dates.

As I said to Ms. Chief at dinner tonight... I'm obviously good at marketing but not necessarily at sales... can get them in with the razzle dazzle, but rarely close the deal. Though in all honestly, it was often me who backed out rather than them...

Problem with these online things is they are so regimented and restrictive... a virtual shopping list of features, single, separated, divorced, even married. Wants kids, has kids, doesn't like kids. Slim, athletic, average, a bit overweight, largish... interestingly I rarely see men describe themselves as largish... even when it's obvious from their photo's that they are! Smoker, non-smoker. Political and religious persuasion. Do you want 'em young, old, short, tall - living within a 10 klm radius or interstate. What kind of music do they like? What about movies? Books? Sport?

Apparantly 2/3rd of the male population of Australia love The Shawshank Redemption, rarely read anything other than the newspaper and think enjoying going camping often is a positive thing (I'll write a whole other post about the likelihood of ever seeing Miss Frou Frou pitching a tent and peeing in the woods)

"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are"... Chauncey Depew

But still... there's a part of me that would like to meet someone... a yearning... to share... to have someone to belong to... someone who gets me... someone who wants to wrestle naked...

Someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"... Agatha Christie

And I'd really like to meet this clever, funny, kind, kooky naked wrestler before all my soft and wobbly bits slip and bunch up around my ankles!

The last time I advertised in the personals it said this:

Before I turn 46 - next March -
I would like to make love (as often as possible)
with a man I like a lot - last 6 words are the important part!!!

ME? 45, funny (both funny haha and funny weird at times). Smart, without being a show off or know-it-all. A great conversationalist, can guarantee to provide opportunities for weird and wacky conversations. Genuinely curious about how the male mind (and other bits) works. I'm not stunning, but you wont need a paperbag either. Am not slim, but as long as you don't try to carry me across a threshold I doubt you'd sustain any serious damage. I don't bite, unless you say please first.

The wording was quite deliberately provocative... a male friend had looked at my original draft and said I was too subtle and men didn't do subtle. So this was my attempt at being direct and still there was confusion, with most people reading the opening paragraphs as... blah, blah, blah, make love (as often as possible), blah, blah, blah - which translated further into she's up for it... sex, sex, sex!

I pulled the pin after a month or so, as I got sick of explaining the intent behind the words... though I did meet 1 guy for a dinner who then rang me a week later to say he liked me a lot and was 'strangely aroused' at dinner.... had I deliberately tried to turn him on? Ummm... that would be a no...

So considering my experience to date... what do you reckon? How do you like my chances if I used something like this? Of course, easiest thing to do would be to get prospective suitors to read this blog... if they read my mad scramblings and were still interested I'd be interested in meeting them, if only to see just how crazy they were!

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Six Degrees of Miss Frou Frou....

Is my life both ordinary and bizarre? Discuss!

Most of you have heard of Six Degrees of Separation, a theory that all of us can be connected within 6 degrees. And there is the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon... a game devised by college students where you try to link actors to the actor Kevin Bacon in the least number of degrees.

Well... I think something similar has been happening to me over the last few years... but particularly in the last 12 months.

Case Study One: Boomerang Boy was a bit obsessive about keeping me a secret... while I would occasionally speak to them on the phone when I rang him as he was still living at home when we first met, I never met his parents, only ever going to his house when his parents where away.

But I had met Xena - the family dog... a gorgeous malamute with distinctive markings... the lighter markings on her face were all around her muzzle, so she looked a bit like the Joker from Batman - a permanent smile etched on her face. I used to call her Xena the smiley dog.

Mum's cat Scully had to have an amputation of part of her paw at the 24 hour emergency vet one Sunday evening, and as I collected her the next morning, a very distinctive dog bounded out of the next examination room being dragged by an attractive older woman and danced all round a distinguished gentleman waiting in the waiting room. I recognised the dog... and as I stood at the counter confirmed that yes this must be BBs Mum and Dad when I saw the name on the credit card she used to pay the bill.

To say that BB was slight horrified is an understatement! The telephone conversation that evening went a bit like this:

MFF: What's wrong with Xena? Why was she at the vet's today?

BB: What drugs are you on? She wasn't at the vet today!

MFF: Are you sure about that?

BB: Mum! Did you take Xena to the vet today?

BBs Mum: Yes, she needed her shots

BB (quietly): How did you know that?

MFF : I was there!

BB (still quiet): What did you say to them?

MFF (brightly): What do you think I said?
Hi, Mr and Mrs Boomerang - I'm the woman shagging your very much younger son!


BB (audibly gulping)


MFF (laughing till I made myself hiccup)



Case Study Two:
- I am working in a role that was vacated by someone who took a similar position at another government authority in April last year. The person who replaced me at the role I left in April last year, had worked in the role that my predecessor had taken.

That's right... we had done a triangular shift... the 3 of us effectively shuffling places... with some small stopovers along the way... I've joked that in 2 years or so, we should all do it again!

On a related note, a guy who took over my role at my last job for about 9 months 4 years ago, sat at my table at a Conference in Sydney earlier in the year... he left my work and took a similar role to my current position at a similar organisation.

Case Study Three: Boomerang Boy again... he is now married, and I haven't seen him since just before his wedding 5 years ago. I've never met his wife, as far as I'm aware, she does not know that I exist, that whole secret thing again... so it's been a bit disconcerting to discover that 2 people I know (a former work colleague and a current work colleague) have worked for the same organisation that she worked at - in one case, in the same department!

Case Study Four: - First day at choir rehearsals, I looked around the hall at the 150+ people there and noticed a couple of familiar faces. One was N - a Health and Safety Representatives from my last job, the other was P - a woman I had been affiliated with when I worked for an agency providing support for children with disabilities in childcare services between 1990-1995. Two rehearsals later, another face walks past me and I think who is that? This was M - someone else I had known back during that time working in children services.

Following week standing around in the teabreak I said hi to N and realised she was standing with P and M! How did they know each other? N & M have been sopranos together for the last 3 choirs and have become friends. P lives near N and gives her a lift to rehearsal each week. So not only did I bump into 3 people from different times in my life, these 3 people all know each other because of separate connections!

Case Study Five: - last Saturday I went on a Chocolate Tour through the city ... a social club activity I organised at work. My mate FBG came along with me, which was fun... but again, the 6 degrees of Miss Frou Frou at work... turns out FBG knew Nature Boy's girl because they both worked in similar roles for two different organisations in the late 90s and knew each other because they were part of the same professional association. I have known FBG for 17 years and Nature Boy and his girl less than 12 months. One of the reasons I wanted FBG to meet NB was because from the beginning he has reminded me very strongly of her... they have a similar conversational style... and they both make me smile... often...



Now you might not think any of this is odd... but you need to understand, Melbourne is not a small hick town... we have a population of well over 3 million people... and its starting to seem likely that in some way or another, I'm going to eventually meet all of them!

THINGS TO DO:
Start playing connect the dots

Monday, 6 August 2007

If I look confused it's because I'm thinking... Samuel Goldwyn

What things there are to write, if one could only write them!
My mind is full of gleaming thought; gay moods and mysterious,
moth-like meditations hover in my imagination, fanning their painted wings. But always the rarest,
those streaked with azure and the deepest crimson,
flutter away beyond my reach. ~Logan Pearsall Smith


I've been quiet... as both Rhian and Sheila have pointed out... have struggled to write anything here... not because there isn't anything to write about, but because there is! Nothing momentous, or life altering to anyone other than me!

As I said to someone today, my life is very ordinary and at the same time so surreal and bizarre, I really don't need to write fiction...

It's like the last 12 months have created a series of small, tiny events, each one inconsequential but each leading on to the next thing. Changing jobs, meeting particular people, being encouraged to communicate, starting this blog, discovering all of you wonderful people out there who engage me with your words and ideas, and respond to my own.

I have started to write several things recently about some of the things happening both to me, and around me and how they make me feel.

So many things flying through my head, I can barely pin a thought down, but at the same time a sense of clarity and understanding that I don't believe I've ever felt so acutely before.

It is as if a part of me is sitting outside and watching... this more than a little bit crazy girl trying to hold it together and pondering the how, when, where's and more importantly, the why's of her life.

And I wanted to share them, but have been reluctant to. Possibly because some of the people involved are frequent or infrequent readers here. Though I don't think that was the main reason, it's just that more recently, I've realised that this blog, at this point in time, my only real public outpourings for me as a writer, has changed... with meme's and Thursday 13s and other fun things, the reason why I started this in the first place has drifted away.

And I want to get back to that original purpose... the musings of a little, fat, funny girl waffling about life, love and all that jazz... but I'm strangely fearful... but of what?

So, bear with me please... I'm good, I know this is all a bit cryptic, but I'm fine... choir rehearsals are wonderful and joyous but the nerves are kicking in as we approach the concert dates, I'm doing some quilting, and reading and writing lots. Alternating between wakefulness and sleep, and a bit frail physically (week 5 of this awful flu/virus) but emotionally feeling really strong and positive.

I'm just processing some stuff prior to the next step... a bit like The Fool in the Tarot... wandering along gazing at the heavens, almost about to step over a cliff. Is that foolhardy, or is that brave? Will I fall or will I fly? Only time will tell....

And by the way, everything in life is writable about
if you have the outgoing guts to do it,
and the imagination to improvise.
The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal... Albert Camus

Your Quirk Factor: 70%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."


So is it a sign of my quirkiness that this score pleased me? Considering even my Director at work not that long ago smiled at me and shook her head and said "You're a little crazy aren't you?" I guess it's safe to say I'm no longer expending unneccessary energy...

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who
insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being"... Oscar Wilde ##

Told the Nature Boy the other day that my ideal man would be a bit like Oscar Wilde... but maybe not gay... and definitely not dead...

To Do List:
* Find me a man who will celebrate my quirkiness


Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Thursday Thirteen #10... Me, Myself and I...


This is my 100th post, and for my 100th post I wanted to do the 100 things about me, but it so happens it's also Thursday 13, so I've fudged a bit (I am nothing, if not creative!) and come up with 13 categories, that include 100 things about me...

ONE: WE ARE FAMILY...
1. I am the middle child of three with a younger sister and an older brother

2. I am 11 months younger than my brother, and 15 months older than my sister

3. Yes, this meant my mother was almost permanently pregnant for 3 years

4. My mother met my father when she was 8 and he was 11, when her sister married his brother, though she doesn't remember him being around much till around her 17th birthday

5. My parents were married at 19 and 22, with a ready made family by the time my mother was 23

6. My parents divorced when I was 23

7. My sister is the only one of us kids to have married, she met her future husband at 17, married him at 20, had 2 children by the time she was 25 and was divorced at 33 - she almost replicated my mother's life...

8. My father died 4 years ago unexpectedly, from the complications from a cold... which is odd, considering he'd survived multiple suicide attempts, tuberculosis, hepatitis, liver and bowel cancer, alcoholism, a broken hip and 3 major surgeries to relieve pressure on his brain.

9. I had divorced him... breaking off all contact with him after he'd asked to be left the f@#k alone, 18 months prior to his death...

TWO: YOU MUST HAVE BEEN A BEAUTIFUL BABY...
10. I was born on a Friday, and Mum chopped a load of firewood, left my brother with a neighbour and took herself off to the hospital in a taxi on her own. She didn't have a visitor until the following afternoon

11. I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and was taken out of the delivery room and my mother didn't see me again until 5 hours later... she thought I had died!

12. My Dad didn't see me for almost 3 days, as he'd gone on a bender with his mates and didn't come home till Sunday, to an empty house and a note on the door to tell him where Mum was

13. I was allergic to my mother's breast milk... as well as most types of formula

14. At 6 weeks old my mother propped me up in my high chair, surrounded by pillows with pantyhose tied around my waist to hold me in, as I screamed blue murder if they tried to place me in another room... I needed to be where all the action was... nothing much has changed

15. I walked at 10 months, long before my almost 2 year old brother... he only walked because I used to steal his toys from him

16. I never talked baby talk, going from silence to full words... and I haven't stopped talking since

17. I had a mop of blond curls, blue eyes and dimples... and by all accounts was a pretty, happy baby... smiling more often then crying...


THREE: YOUNG AT HEART...
18. I went almost 12 months eating nothing but plain boiled rice and spaghetti and baked beans... I still love all three...

19. Watching a TV program where a man stuffed cotton wool in his cheeks and up his nose to disguise himself, I attempted to do the same... but instead used the beads from a broken necklace of my mothers... and managed to have one bead lodge at the top of my nose, close to my eye, that had to be extracted by a doctor

20. At 3, I dressed up in my mother's hat and gloves and an old handbag, and told her I was off to the doctor. She went along with me, and only realising after an hour of quiet that I had actually learnt how to unlatch the front door and had disappeared. We lived in a street that backed on to Ripponlea Mansion and the back gates and had been left open, so a search party was established, fearing if I'd wondered into the grounds I might be lost for days. Instead, I'd walked up to the main road and had walked across the pedestrian crossing. A driver starting off from what he thought was a clear crossing, felt a slight bump and got out to find me on the ground in front of his wheels.

21. I won the Kindergarten fancy dress competition, dressed as Mavis Bramston, in a black chiffon shirt, a black wig, Jacqui O sunglasses, and a cigarette holder... I won a picture book of The Three Little Pigs.. I was 4

22. I used to wet my pants... not because of some nervous affliction, nor because of any medical condition... I just used to get engrossed in some activity and forget to go to the toilet until it was too late and then I'd have an accident... don't pee my pants anymore, but I often forget to eat and drink because I'm concentrating on some fancy

23. My mother always knew when I had pee'd my pants as I would take them off and put them in the laundry hamper, wherever we happened to be, and go bare-assed for the rest of the day

24. I had an imaginary pony, called Tony! He lived under the kitchen table and ate pretend carrots...

25. An aunt trying to coax us into bed one Christmas Eve took us to the window to tell us if Santa came and we were still awake he wouldn't leave presents. What must have been the tail-lights of a plane had us convinced it was Santa and Rudolf... so we scurried into bed, but I stayed awake peering through my lashes for half the night, not wanting to miss seeing Santa come down the chimney... but we didn't have a chimney...


FOUR: STORY OF A GIRL...
26. I could add, subtract and multiply double digits before starting school, because my uncle set me homework every time he came to visit, but interestingly enough, I couldn't read before I started school

27. I made up for that with a vengeance, by reading the entire 1st year reading material before the end of 1st term, and then the 2nd year material by midway through the year. My teacher encouraged my mother to get me a library card!

28. My mother talks about me coming home from my first day at school most indignant, as only the children who cried got sweets, whereas those of us who were brave were not rewarded at all... my sense of justice was well and truly in force already

29. I was one of those nerdy kids who loved school... I used to cry if I couldn't go.

30. I was a clever clod, but also very friendly, so apart from being pushed down the stairs by a boy in my final year of primary school because I won a student scholarship, I managed to straddle the divide of popular and nerd reasonably well

31. My mother allowed us to be exposed to a variety of religious experiences, we went on Methodist picnics and to Greek Orthodox Sunday School

32. My father, on the other hand, blew a gasket when a note came home from school with suggested dates for my first communion... we were not Catholic

33. The nun who provided Catholic studies at school thought I might have had a vocation, why else would I have passed myself off as Catholic. She was very disappointed to have me tell her it was because the Junior Catholic Bibles had lovely coloured pictures in them

34. I was and still am a clumsy clot... totally unaware of my physical self... so spent most of my childhood covered in bruises and scabs

35. I've never been very sporty... totally uncoordinated, though I have danced on and off for most of my life. At school I was part of a group that used to learn a traditional folk dance, and then we would teach the rest of the school... I love Zorba the Greek to this day...

36. Though I was a mean Wing Defence till a fall, splat, straight on to one knee, ended my netball career, and resulted in my wearing a knee brace and having a walking stick for almost 6 months. The knee is still a bit dodgy... and aches when it's damp...

37. My mother talks about the time I told my brother to get f@#ked... I was probably about 7 at the time, and I was told not to say that word... so asked my favourite question - Why? Cause, you shouldn't say words if you don't know what they mean, to which I replied - but I do know. Mum called my bluff... "ok, smartypants, what does it mean?" she asked, to which I replied "its when a man and a lady get stuck together!"


FIVE: TEENAGE DIRTBAG...
38. I was a bit of a good girl, but had my moments of rebellion... was always getting into trouble for completing my work and then distracting the other kids by talking

39. My high school was very progressive, so instead of being in a class with students my year, at the end of the first year they assessed students and placed them in one of four units... Unit One, being the most relaxed and informal going up to Unit Four, which was predominantly traditional class room style, though Years 7-9 together - guess, which unit I ended up in? Yep, one...

40. Imagine about 100+ kids roaming around a huge open room with half a dozen teachers, and you've got an idea about 3 years of high school for me... we created our own language with it's own written and oral rules in English class, developed our own societies, experimenting with a variety of governing styles, built cubbyhouses, fiercely debated everything that came out of our teachers mouths and generally created chaos... I loved it!

41. Of course, when I got to the equivalent of year 10 and they started prepping us for exams etc. it was a major shock... what do you mean I have to produce written material?

42. Consequently I failed my HSC ... and was so miserable my last two years of high school it took me over 20 years to go back to study... and even now I struggle within the confines and restrictions of formal education

43. I got drunk for the first time at 16 during the lunch break, on Southern Comfort, and then fell asleep in my English Literature class, which was taught by the principal

44. My first trip to a pub at age 17, sitting in the beer garden of the Yarra Hotel in Collingwood, the place was raided by the cops, with underaged girls flying off into the toilets, only to be hauled out and away. An older guy, said to me, "go up to the bar and buy a jug of beer", which I did, and then casually brought it back to our table. My friend and I and he were the only ones not spoken to. And when the cops left and I expressed relief, he floored me, but saying "yeah, me too - I've got a baggie of pot tucked into my underpants"


SIX: I AM WOMAN...
45. From my mid twenties till about 35 I was invisible... I had friends, most of whom are still around, but I would and could be introduced to someone multiple times and they would not remember me

46. I went away on my own on holiday the year I turned 28, and did not speak to another living soul for a week and for the first time discovered my need to go into hibernation in order to survive

47. While away I made a list of things I wanted to achieve before I was 30 - the first and only time I have ever made such a list. I promptly forgot about it, until I found it at around 32 and just mentally adjusted the timeframes to 35, then 40 etc.

48. The list primarily was focused on having a place of my own and a child of my own... but makes no reference to having a partner

49. I'm obviously a late bloomer, or a late rebel... getting a tattoo at 38, around the same time I started tap dancing, and now joining a choir at 46

50. A friend wanted to know what was I going to do next.. and I said.. I don't know - stand up comedy? To which she replied, "actually that wouldn't surprise me at all"

SEVEN: DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY...
51. My first proper french kiss was a guy called Burkey... it was horrible... and worse, he told everyone, and I didn't kiss anyone again for a number of years

52. I had a major crush on a guy in high school who referred to me as Blob... I used to call him Shithead... he once said to me "What are you going to be when you grow up? You can't be an elephant in disguise all your life!" starting me on my path of being fatally attracted to sarcastic, clever bastards!

53. I mooned over a boy through primary and high school and only discovered at my 20 year high school reunion that he'd had a crush on me too...

54. For most of my teens and 20s, I thought I was not attractive as a female... an 'honorary boy' who used to hang with the guys, talk to them, but they rarely tried to grope or kiss me. It is only now looking back that I realise quite a few of them were probably interested in me, but I was totally oblivious and clueless.

55. Flirting is much easier when I'm a bit liquored up... now that I rarely drink, I find it difficult to really flirt... I miss it!

56. Because I am naturally curious about people including all things male, I've often found myself having the weirdest conversations about men and sex... and it confuses men no end, just cause I'm happy to discuss sex doesn't mean I actually want to have it... well, not with you, anyway!

EIGHT: WORKING FOR THE MAN...
57. I started working part-time in gift/record/lotto shop at 14, earning the princely sum of .75c an hour. Within a month, I was doing all the lotto bookwork and continued to work part-time until I left high school

58. I left school and went straight into a full time job, and I've never been unemployed since

59. I have been a mail sorter (specialising in postcodes - almost 30 years later I can still remember most Melbourne suburban codes), receptionist, secretary, reception clerk, book-keeper, payroll officer, office manager, executive assistant, project officer and now, an OH&S advisor

60. I have worked for hotels and motels, a major arts festival, an independent economic research institute, a disability support service, an architectural practice, a major cultural institution, a TAFE college and now a local government

61. I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up...


NINE: A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME...
62. I moved into a share house at 19, my room was a hexagonal room (former dining room) with lime green and yellow flock wallpaper so bright that sometimes I could still see it on my eyelids with my eyes closed.

63. The one guy who lived there (married to one of the women) was caught with his eye to keyhole of one of the other girl's bedrooms (his wife's sister).

64. I was the only person who worked full-time, the others all students with waiting jobs, so I would come home to discover they'd used up all the milk and bread and taken the 'kitty' money to buy fish and chips.

65. I hated it so much, that I started going home on weekends, supposedly so that I could do my washing, that gradually extended in to staying 3 to 4 days a week, and I discovered I'd slowly moved most of my belongings back

66. I moved back temporarily, and agreed to take over the mortgage with my brother when my parents separated so that my Mum didn't lose the house, and ended up staying for almost 20 years

67. I moved out 5 years ago... after agonising over having the conversation that I wanted to live on my own for nearly 12 months, and did the big blurt and was gone in less than a month

68. I live with Gertie and Gracie, two tortoiseshell cats... Gracie spends most of her time hiding under furniture or under the doona sleeping, only appearing briefly to eat, and occasionally when she's really tired, have a cuddle

69. Gertie, on the other hand, is my girl... wherever I am, she is... or at least she makes sure I am in eye contact... she is curled up on a beanbag at my feet as I write this, occasionally stretching out to give my foot a nudge

70. I never realised until I moved out on my own how much I crave silence and my own company

71. I don't think I will ever willingly share my home with someone again...


TEN: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS...
72. One of my closest friends sat next to me in prep class... apart from family, she's the person I've known the longest in my life and I love her to bits... a single mother of 4, she's off doing a "Shirley Valentine' in Greece - away on her own for the next 3 months, the first time since she was 18... I am so proud of her

73. My friends are my family... and while different people move in and out of my life, I have amassed the most amazing group of friends, who make it possible for me to be me...

74. As I get older I find that what male friends I had have, for the most part, drifted away. A lot of them finding it impossible to maintain a friendship with me once they have partnered up or married.

75. MFL is one of the exceptions... I have been in love and now loved him for over 25 years... and while we don't see each other often, I know if I need him he will be there for me, as I will be for him


ELEVEN: DAMN, I WISH I WAS YOUR LOVER...
76. While there have been men through my life that I have been attracted to, there are only 3, possibly 4, that I think of as being important

77. If I like you, then we can be friends, but I need to more than like you to be your lover

78. Boomerang Boy told me that from the beginning, there was nothing casual about me, which is ironic really, as I never placed any expectations on him or a future together, other than I wanted to be with him... for how ever long it seemed right

79. I'd like to think that there is one more 'great love' out there for me...

80. If I can't have one more 'great love' than I guy who makes me feel lust in my panty region on a regular basis would do...

81. Oh, and he has to live within a 10 klm radius, be available to satisfy that lust whenever I want him to, and fete me as the goddess I am...

82. And cook too...

TWELVE: SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS...
83. As previously stated, I haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up yet...

84. Though I always dreamed of owning a bookshop and/or being a writer

85. Through this blog I've discovered that maybe I could be a writer, though I've yet to determine in what forum

86. I'd find it difficult to write full time, my style is anecdotal - I am a storyteller... a participator rather than a spectator... in order to write, I need to interact with others

87. It has been suggested, more than once, that I would make a good therapist... as I am interested in what motivates people, and that I am a good listener, this might be a good career choice for me

88. I, of course, scoff at the notion - with echoes of "physician heal thyself" flashing through my mind

89. That's not to say that I wouldn't be interested in doing some study either in transpersonal therapy or psychology

90. I dream of making a difference... even if that difference is just that I've impacted in a positive way on those people I have met and allowed into my life

91. I've also dreamed of accepting an Academy Award - triple award winner - for writing, directing and starring in a fantabulous movie... oh and singing the theme song!

92. Of course, my Oscar date is my friend with benefits... Mr Clooney...


THIRTEEN: THE FUTURE'S SO BRIGHT I'VE GOT TO WEAR SHADES...
93. I am eternally optimistic... a glass half full, Pollyanna type of girl

94. I have to believe in basic human decency... though I realise that the world is a scary place these days

95. But on a personal level, these days are, for the most part, good...

96. I'm still a 'gunna' - gunna do this and gunna do that... but I'm happy to be that way... for the first time, genuinely happy with my lot.

97. I feel like I am still at the beginning of my life, though my physical self occasionally has to remind me that that is in fact, not so.

98. It is the journey that is important to me, not the destination...

99. And my fervent wish is that many of you will continue to share my journey with me as I bumble along... singing out of tune, dancing like a dork and laughing like a loon...

100. To be continued...


Monday, 9 July 2007

And the Dorks shall inherit the earth...


The wonderful Rhian has created a new award, and I'm lucky enough to be one of the first recipients,

Now some of you may be wondering about what makes me so special, but of course, this is not my only claim to dorkiness... I'm such a uber-dork I have my own categories.


Dancing...
There's the How I was a Human Bowling Ball and lived to tell the Tale...story that was my award winning entry.

And there was my tapdancing debut. Do you remember The Village People's Do the Shake? Now, imagine a 38 year old, little fat girl, dressed as a cow, tapdancing badly to this song. We stomped onto the stage, and at one point I was so nervous, that I had disorientated myself, and instead of ending up with the rest of the troops at the back of the stage, I had moved forward, so doing an involuntary solo... another couple of missteps and I would have gone over the edge of the stage!

Year two wasn't any better... doing a gangster/ showgirl routine to Madonna's Hanky Panky. Except, I'm not showgirl material, so instead of a gold, tinselly sexpot I looked like a gold, tinselly sausage... crammed into a dress that shed all day in a major heatwave in a theatre without air-conditioning. That was ok... but a fellow dancemate and I, losing our place, and jumping 2 verses ahead of everyone else wasn't... and with my teacher's mantra running through my head of whatever you do, don't stop dancing... I made up my own little interpretive dance that was a mix of Shirley Temple and whirling dervish.

Fashion...
Those of you who have been reading the Tales of Miss Frou Frou from the beginning will be familiar with one of my earliest posts about my various fashion faux pas...

Dating and Food...
Sigh... I'm the girl who always manages to miss her mouth when eating and trying to make an impression. Two examples that spring to mind, going to take a drink out of a megacup of Coke at the movies on a date once and squeezing the cup just a little too hard and ending up with half the cup in my cleavage.... or even more embarrassing, laughing at a date's joke just as I took a sip of hot chocolate and ending up spraying it out my nose... and no, surprise, surprise... never had a second date with either.

Slips, Trips and Pratfalls...
Apart from my human bowling ball routine, I also regularly trip over ants...

Fell down a flight of stairs at Flinders Street Railway Station once... one step, and I bounced all the way down and was still hanging on to a suitcase and a shoulder bag when I hit the bottom... actually they were the cause of my, minor, injuries... a bump on the nose from the suitcase hitting me in the face all the way down and a twisted finger as my denim shoulderbag straps had twisted around my finger.

But the most uber-dorkish moment was arriving for a football match that MFL was playing in on a day when it had rained incessantly. Walked up to the car my godmother was sitting in, and did the big dramatic 'ta da' and went arse over tit in the mud. My godmother burst into laughter and the woman sitting in the drivers seat was asking 'where did she go...?' My beautiful new red chenille top was covered in cold, wet, sloppy mud.

But that wasn't the worst... luckily I was going to stay the weekend, so had a change of clothes in the car. Took my young godsister with me, while I changed in the car, she was supposed to play lookout and let me know if someone came along who could see. Got stripped down to my undies and changed and only then noticed the man sitting in the car parked in front, looking avidly into his rear view mirror. My godsister's response when I asked why had she not told me he was there... you said, tell me if someone comes along... he's been there all along!

There have been way too many examples of tripping both up and down stairs, or slipping on uneven floor surfaces too keep track... my knees and shins have callouses.

I'm not going to award a Uber-Dork award to anyone else... not sure if there is anyone else beamed down from my planet... but feel free to share your own uber-dork stories.


I will regard this great honor not so much as an award for what I have achieved, but a standard to hold against what I have yet to accomplish...
Eve Harrington, All About Eve, 1950

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

My string of pearls...

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything
very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but
just those that bring simple little pleasures,
following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string"
Anne Shirley, Anne of Avonlea, Lucy Maud Montgomery


Sorry, I haven't been around much... stuff happening, all small stuff, but stuff... so a quick catch up of random things from me...

* I've packed up my office as they are renovating, was told we needed to be out by this coming Friday, and then it was changed to end of the day Monday (yesterday) and then when I arrived at work told we had an hour! So, ironically, as the Safety Advisor, I am working of a tiny round table, just enough room for my PC.. working out of boxes, cheek by jowl with a colleague... just as well we like each other!

* Have had both high brow and low brow recreational activities, both organised by NPNP. The highbrow, saw the Bell Shakespeare production of Othello last week, was excellent, but we were sitting so close to the stage we got to see the actors spraying spit all over each other as they articulated!

* The lowbrow was NPNP coming over for what was supposed to be a trip out to the pub for dinner and a few drinks and maybe a check-out of the local talent, but ended up with both of us sitting in our tracky-dacks eating turkish bread, dip, potato chips and Mars bar slice, while getting ever so slightly inebriated (I slowly slid off my chair at one stage!). Again irony, forgoing the opportunity to meet men while we lamented how hard it is to meet men! Though NPNP has decided she needs to meet Mr Darcy or was that Colin Firth?

* I've had more alcohol in the last fortnight then I've had in the last 12 months... but have behaved myself (sliding off my chair not withstanding)

* More bloggy serendipity... our Public Affairs department asked us to review a draft of a handout for Careers Night and they'd changed all our names. I said I wanted to pick my own name, and my Manager said, you should be Roxanne... or Roxie... with that little husky voice of yours. And then I go to Silver Expressions and see their Stripper Name Flash Fiction post and see my stripper name is Roxie Glitter Bomb!

* I am very nervous as choir rehearsals start on Sunday... my manager said to me yesterday, I didn't know you could sing... to which I replied, I can't! But I couldn't tap dance either, and that didn't stop me...

* Am listening to the rehearsal CD so much that I am now dreaming some of these songs. Weird, almost hallucinogenic dreams, that involve friends and work colleagues tribal dancing in various states of semi-nakedness...

* While I am feeling emotionally well, I'm feeling physical unwell... a hovering cold, sneezy, stuffed up, headachy and tired, even blinking hurts at present. My throat is scratchy and I'm so cold... bed is the warmest place to be... so that's where I'm heading...g'night!








Which Anne of Green Gables character are you?




You are most like Anne Shirley. You love to day dream, read romance novels, and TALK! Yet, you are starving for love and attention, that is, till you come to Green Gables and meet Matthew, Marilla, and Mrs. Lynde.
Take this quiz!








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Thursday, 14 June 2007

Thursday Thirteen #7... the 13 Wants of V...



There are only two tragedies in life:
one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it
Oscar Wilde



Well, I've played the "What Does V... need?" game, as have lots of others... but I was curious to see "What Does V... Want?" To play along, simply type "(your name) wants" into Google's search engine and be amazed, astonished and astounded...so without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you the 13 Wants of V...

One: V... wants to be fatally gorgeous... aren't I already?

Two: V... wants to be a duck... been there, done that... and have the feathered arse to prove it... A fatally gorgeous duck I was too... tap dancing on stage to Singing in the Rain... and no, you can't see the photos.

Three: V... wants to do gospel. She is the only person who can sing the telephone book in Swahili and make it sound good! ... um, yeah right, but I'll soon be able to tell you, as I start rehearsals next week for the Melbourne Millennium Chorus, and am fully expecting them to look at me kindly, while they offer me a full refund and show me politely to the door...

Four: V... wants to be great and to receive the love and applause of an adoring audience... singing quietly... I have confidence, in confidence alone... besides which you see, I have confidence in me... oh crap!

Five: V... wants to go out tomorrow night ... yeah, she does, and she is, have been invited to go eat Spanish food with some lovely lads and lassies from work ... (I know that sounds funny, scottish folk eating spanish food.. but I kid you not I am going to a Scots pub famous for its paella and sangria!)

Six: V... wants to write now... well, actually not right now, maybe later... am so tired... (oh, I've used that line before... but it was when someone asked for something else!)

Seven: V... wants to sleep now... see I told you...

Eight: V... wants to spend every day as if there was no tomorrow. Although Vikki may seem immature and childish she in fact is very wise, intelligent and caring... couldn't resist adding the following sentence... see, I iz all grown up, so pfft!

Nine: V... wants some men with big feet... well you know what they say about big feet! All the better to help me with item eleven! Though the plural men has got me worried... truly, just one man would do...

Ten: V... wants a hero to idolize and adore, someone to wholeheartedly admire and be proud of... with really, really big feet!

Eleven: V... wants risky sex... I think that means the sex where her mum says "I'm just going to get some milk" and you have to have REALLY fast sex on the kitchen table before she gets back... I swear, that was the actual following sentence... sex, sex, it all comes down to sex ...

Twelve: V... wants it all - love, sex, art, sex, life, passion, - all that plus the butterflies in the stomach feeling of a new romance! ... who me? Well, if you insist...

And finally... to end on a serious and cultured note:

Thirteen: V... wants her name changed to Tricksy McF@#ckalot ... I am speechless...

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

My archetypes all have seperation anxiety...

Like Savannah, I too love doing online profile tests... as if you couldn't tell from the majority of blog posts this week. Though I realised what other bloggers have said, it's harder to find things to write about when life is good! In the meantime, I'm having fun doing various online profiles, including the test that Savannah blogged about a mindset profile at ActualMe.

It tells me that I'm a Motivational Visionary...Ideas and options are what you're always creating and doing... thinking and processing is what you love to do most. Yes, you're a holistic thinker that is always asking the question "How?"

Your thinking process is mostly intuitive and analogic. However, you do use facts and logic to back up your intuitive thought processing.

Change, particularly in ideas, is never-ending for you. There is no timeline or deadline for your accomplishments. That is why in school or at work you procrastinate until the last moment to finish a paper, an assignment, or a project.

Every so often paradoxical thoughts attract you. You're attracted to the unknown more than the known. You're drawn to what's unusual about something rather than what is ordinary about it. What other people see as facts, you may see as shades of facts or possibilities of different facts. Your world is the world of possibilities and visions.

You're an excellent communicator with individuals and small groups of three, no more than four people. You listen attentively to what people say, how they say it and what feelings are generated. You have an unusual awareness for what is happening to the person and others that are participating. It's almost like a sixth sense. Sometimes, people distance themselves from you because of this sensitivity and your feedback.

Every so often, you'll be inspired enough to positively motivate people to follow you as their leader. Your words will flow fluidly and touch the hearts and minds of those listening. However, you should know that, once the mission and goals have been accomplished, you're quite satisfied to return to being the thinker and sensitive communicator.

Sending this on to some friends, one of the reminded me of the Myers Briggs Type Indicators, based on Jung's archetypes. And I did the test again today and came out an ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling Percieving). Funnily enough, my memory of the last time I done one of these tests I was an introvert!

"She’s just not my archetype really"

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centred and master the ability of followng through.

ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiams and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.

The full portrait of an ENFP is here. And it seems very reflective of me, at this point in my life. And it's interesting that will all the possibilities opening up to me at present with this blog and through my interactions with both new friends and old, that the possible career paths for an ENFP include a psychologist, teacher, counsellor, writer/ journalist, all things that have been suggested to me as possible careers lately, though I did scoff at the suggestion that I would make a good psychologist/ counsellor - a bit like physician heal thyself!

"Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother" - Robin Williams


Wow - just found this test online and it too says I am an ENFP! Sex - playful - oh yes, best fun you can have without laughing... though laughing is always good... Holding on to bad relationships? - ah .. let me see... anyone want to say Boomerang Boy?

Your Love Type: ENFP

The Inspirer

In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond.
For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate.

Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner.
However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad.

Best matches: INTJ and INFJ

Wednesday, 6 June 2007

Madness Takes it's Toll.. please have exact change

Being a bit frivolous, farcical and Frou Frouish...

* I'm glad I slept half of Sunday away, leaving me wide awake that evening because it meant I got to see Garden State - a little gem of a late night movie with Zach Braff and Natalie Portman...

* How is it that despite the fact that work is crazy, I'm enjoying myself immensely? I think it's because my colleagues have become my friends and the insanity that is work creates an environment where we all laugh like loons... it's either that or cry... or bay at the moon... work feels more and more like home...

* Woo hoo... NPNP has been working and studying so hard that now she is on a semester break she is in the mood to play... I'm looking forward to going out and getting snickered with her at the weekend... I've missed her and her snarkiness...

* I'm going to see Bell Shakespeare's production of Othello... and realised today that I've never seen Shakespeare in a theatre, but only on film... I'm very excited...

* I am currently in a mood that has meant I've had to struggle to stop from spontaneous outbursts of singing ... I'm feeling happy... and unusual for me, am not the slightest bit interested in dissecting why, but am merely enjoying myself... if I were to write the story of my life at present it would be a musical!

* I'm also in a mood that sees me constantly saying 'oh why not' to almost any suggestion, which is not my usual state of mind at all. Pity there isn't a slightly handsome man around with devilment on his mind... would take very little for me to be reckless and abandoned... maybe if I get snickered enough this weekend someone will take advantage of me... make that an R-rated musical... sigh... I wish...


FROU FROU'S TO DO LIST:
* Stop thinking
* Drink copious amounts of alcohol
* Flirt outrageously
* Regret nothing

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

Someday my Spence will come...


Your Score: Katharine Hepburn


You scored 14% grit, 38% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!




You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.


Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.




Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test


FROU FROU'S TO DO LIST:
* Find a funny, sarcastic, craggy, grumpy man of my own



Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Destined to become an old lady with lots of cats...

Recently I joked around with the Nature Boy about wondering what people would think of a 40 something insomniac, who stays up half the night surfing the net, listening to music and dancing around in her pj's while she did the ironing ...

And on The Dog's Name I talked about how halfhearted I was about getting out there and meeting boys... winter... warm house...pc/tv/music... pj's...cuddly cats are way more appealing then strange men...frocking up...awkward conversation... disappointment. To which Indy replied 'Ah but if one of those strange men should prove to be perfect for cuddling up in said PJ's wouldn't it all be worth it?'...

Well of course it would, but seriously would you like to go out with this woman? And more importantly, would you want to dance with her?


“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” - George Bernard Shaw

Saturday, 26 May 2007

Everybody's doing it, doing it, doing it...

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation
made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?...Broadcast News

Well considering this seems to be going around the blogosphere at the speed of light, I should play. You just plug in your name in the search bar at Google along with “needs” and then post your results. Frou Frou didn't work - Vicki/Vikki did...

Some of my favourites:

Vikki needs to get a life ... sigh... even Google is condemning me...

Vikki needs to take a long trip and come back with a new personality... see, what I mean...

Vikki needs to start acting her age ... considering yesterday at work I said someone was fairly handsome despite being old, only to have everyone laugh at me, as this guy is a ONE year older than me, I think Google may be right...

Vikki needs something translated ... actually I do, someone has left a comment on my blog, in what I think is Spanish... can anyone help me... last comment here?

Vikki needs a hero ... yes, preferably one who looks like this...

Vicki needs some one to teach her about love ... yes, preferably one who looks like this...

Vikki needs to interact with more people ... yes, preferably one who looks like this...

Vikki needs some new glasses for close up work ... ok, sorry, but I have too... yes, preferably with someone who looks like this...

Vicki needs to get some balls ... umm, dare I say it... yes, preferably...

Vikki Needs A Spanking ... oh.. really, well, if you insist...

Vikki needs to dump that fake loser boy ... ok, but only after he's spanked me...

Vikki needs to dump his ass pronto ... alright, already... give me a minute will ya!

Vikki needs to realize that dogs are not little people in furry costumes ... are you sure about that...

Vikki needs to learn about "she bang" magic. As in "she bang" her head against the wall with absolutely no knowledge and no reference books to offer a clue? ... I love this... "she bang" magic, indeed...

Vikki needs to get some sleep ... always...

Vikki needs to shut right up ... even Google thinks I talk too much...

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

And for my next trick... I'm going to juggle kittens....

Another semi-sleepless night... I drifted off to sleep about 4.00am, knowing that I needed to be up and out at a reasonable time as I was doing e-time management training this morning.

I woke, at 6.44am suddenly, and realised that somehow in my sleep I had picked up my alarm clock (my reasonably large electric alarm clock) and I slept with it cupped in the palm of my hand, hanging suspended over the bed...

Just as this thought entered my brain, the alarm went off... and I got such a fright that I tossed the alarm up into the air... crash... and two sleepy cats went screeching around the room in terror... sigh... what a gentle, calming way to start my day... not...



I know Savannah posted this on her blog, not so long ago, but I like it and it seems apprpropriate to this post... though I still think it would be fall down funny if you had him and the music and instead of juggling his movements would be some weird form of interpretive dance...reminds me of my attempts at tap... just imagine me dressed as a gold tinselly sausage showgirl.. similar mouth movements and all