Night and day.... dum, de de dum....

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day"... Vincent Van Gogh

Have you ever realised how much the world is designed for 'morning people'...

I am not a morning person... never have been. My mother laughingly tells the story of me as a school aged child, and later as a young working woman living at home, she would awake to the alarm, get up, come in and prompt me to get up, have a shower, prompt me to get up, feed animals, prompt me to get up (by this stage very loudly), have breakfast, prompt me to get out of the shower (where I was usually half asleep under the spray), put a load of washing on the line, and then discover me staring dreamily into space, sitting on the end of my bed, with a towel wrapped around me and one sock on...

When I lived at home, there was someone to keep me moving and active, if still in a zombie-like state, and hustle me out of the house and onto school or work. For many years, I drove my mother to work on my way in, and was therefore forced to keep a particular schedule, which was probably a good thing, as I also had jobs that required me to open up the office or to start a shift.

At the same time there was also someone to prompt me to go to sleep... when us kids and Dad was still at home, I disappeared to my room early... usually to listen to music on headphones in the dark... till the wee small hours... or to read... until I nodded off over a book or my Mum came in to screech that it was 2.00am and if I didn't turn my light off I wouldn't get up in the morning.

In one of my early jobs as a mailsorter, in order to get to work on Friday mornings for a 7.00am start, that required catching a 6.00am bus, I would set my alarm for 4.00am, get up, shower, make coffee, and then hop back into bed semi-clothed for an hour or so, listening to music so I could be awake enough to trust myself to leave the house.

At the Architectural practice when some bright spark the Managing Director, decided to schedule marketing meetings for 7.00am so they'd be over before the workday started, I declared the only way they'd get me there was if they supplied breakfast... so there was a danish and a coffee waiting for me... and I'd arrive with dripping wet hair and no makeup and converse in growls and grunts until my brain woke up. The same deal was negotiated with my summer school classmates a couple of years ago, if they wanted to start the day earlier, they needed to provide me with caffeine... and there was a different boy waiting patiently with coffee and a donut each day as I dragged my arse across the campus, bleary-eyed and ragged.

So... it's not a recent thing that my body clock is out of whack with what most people would consider the norm... But, living on my own, I can indulge myself a lot more.

There are days now when I have been up and prepared for work, but I have to lie down for 15-30 minutes, sometimes even an hour and then I will feel up to facing the day... those days are usually when I haven't woken up before the alarm has gone off. I don't respond well to alarm clocks or being frightened awake... it's like my system goes into shock or something, and it's almost impossible for me to bound out of bed and race into the day.

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do)"... Dorothy Parker

But the world is not kind to us night owls...

At one workplace with an agreed core hours that varied between 7.00am - 7.00pm, 2 colleagues were able to negotiate 7.30am - 4.30pm workdays, but I was told that I couldn't work a 10.00am - 6.00pm day... it was too inconvenient...

This was despite the fact that I had been able to work the same hours for 5 years prior under a previous manager... and because other departments were working till 9.00pm, we had a much better coverage of hours, often for the last hour or more of the day I was the only one in the office.

I'm lucky now, in that I have a boss who is understanding of my early morning struggles, and accommodates me, knowing that I keep track of my hours. Though there have been grumblings from some workmates, who fail to acknowledge that while they're out the door at 5.00pm on the dot, I'm often one of only a handful of people still in the office at 6.00pm... and often hitting my stride workwise about 3.00pm!

It's not even the work situation that annoys me most. It's the remarks by friends and acquaintances... the snide remarks and suggestions of laziness... that I am wasting time, that I should be doing something productive with my daylight hours...

I'm not lazy... I'm at my most productive, when most people are nodding off for the evening. Just because getting up at the crack of dawn rocks your boat, doesn't mean I have to... actually most of these bright and shiny, happy morning people are also those scary pod-people who confess to liking camping, and 5k runs in the pre-dawn.

I'm not wasting time... I am usually doing a pretty good imitation of the 'living dead' before midday... so why wouldn't I choose to actually sleep during that unproductive time.

You want to wake me up early, it better be because more than the sun is up, and you want to indulge in exercise of the carnal kind... and even then, you need to be gentle about it... otherwise... bugger off!

I've discovered over the last few days at home, that it is not so much that I suffer from insomnia, it is that my system doesn't need to sleep until well after midnight... and if I am allowed to wake naturally, I am able to be awake, and reasonably alert without much strain or effort by about 9.30am. And a 30-60 minute nap mid afternoon is more than enough to keep me feeling calm, centred and rested.

And it would be nice, when we're talking about endangered species that someone would give a shout out to us 'Night Owls' and recognise that we too need to be protected... Night Owls of the world... stand up and be proud!

"Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.”... Groucho Marx

TO DO LIST:
* Get a job that starts at midday and finishes at 8.00pm
* Preferably somewhere that celebrates siesta
* The next time someone jokes about giving me an early morning wake up call... let them... then ring them at midnight and babble for an hour

I've got the music in me...

Oh, wow... hard to tell you all about Saturday, except that it was the most magical experience.

I still will not profess to being much of a singer, have no idea whether I stayed on pitch or not, but I was able to follow all of the instructions from our Choir Director, Vicki King, even when she mucked up at one stage and didn't give us our cue for a verse of a song... a minor glitch that only the choir and soloist noticed.

Was on the verge of tears several times, but managed to keep it together... though all of the soloists coming back onstage to reprise My Island Home at the end had me blinking rapidly and squeezing Miss La De Da's hand tightly.

I struggled a little with my back injury and sore feet from standing up, but the pain disappeared the minute we stood on stage, and started to sing... and then returned with a vengeance once I got off stage... hence this reasonably short blog post and still being a bit tardy in getting around to catch up with everyone else's blogs.

Am home for a couple of days, mostly sleeping and reading and doing some applique while watching TV, with the heatpack applied. OH - and attempting to dye my hair back to the chocolate brown colour that I was 12 months ago has left me an interesting shade of maroon/brown/red! I like it - it matched my t-shirt!

If you want to listen to some of the amazing soloists and musicians who played with us on Saturday, check these out - most have music you can listen to online.

Akasa - made up of Vicki King, Diana Clark, Heidi Bradburn, Andrea Watson - sang Walking Song and Vicki sang lead on Walk with Me with the choir... that's one of my blubber songs!
Kavisha Mazzella - I am such a fan of this woman and her music now... go down to the bottom of the page and listen to a track from her album... hope to see her at Darebin Music Feast
Diana Clark - sang Breathe into Time, and also sang two songs with the choir.
Doug de Vries - brilliant guitarist... played Elegy for Rita
Tali White - wrote a wonderful song called "Wave Building" especially for the choir, as he said, think mix between rock opera and bollywood and you'd have a bit of a feel for it... he is a bit of a whirling dervish... Tali is involved with The Guild League and The Lucksmiths
Valanga Khoza - sang Thula Mama with the choir - another emotional song... gorgeous, gorgeous voice
Paulo Almeida from the Dili Allstars - sang with the choir on O Hele Le
Lou Bennett - oh, wow... she was amazing... sang Lingmarra with us at the start of the concert and then came back to do the most emotional version of My Island Home with us... I'm hoping to see her during the Darebin Music Feast
Liz Frencham - played Double Bass and taught the crowd and the choir a lovely song that we sang along with
Ron Murray - wowed us with his didgeridoo... both in the opening song, Lingmarra and later in the encore of My Island Home

There were others, including a performance by The West Papuan Culture Group that was very moving... and the wonderful Dani Fry belting out a great gospel track with us.

Now, all I need to do is go chasing up albums for all these wonderful people, and prepare for concert two on Friday night... still plenty of tickets available for any Melbourne readers... not so many of us singing this time ... only about 160! Miss La De Da and I have been having a quiet nightmare about her and I being the only Alto 1's in attendance...

Ain't got no troubles in my life, no foolish dreams to make me cry, I'm never frightened or worried, I know I'll always get by... I've got the music in me, I've got the music in me....

Blogindipity strikes again! Found this quiz at Chicken-Scratch... I can live with this one!


You are Schroeder!
Take this quiz!

It's the end of the world as we know it....

You know what they say, it's not over
till the fat lady sings.... guess what?

Yes, tomorrow is the big day... first Choir Concert - which is sold out... 450 seated and approx. 200 standing... and me and 250+ of my closest friends singing up a storm...

Sorry I've been a bit out of the loop this week... at rehearsal last Sunday I pulled a muscle in my back that has seen me very, very uncomfortable sitting, standing and lying down all week.. so I've limited my time on the computer...

Who knows what I'll be like tomorrow night after about 8 hours of standing... most of which will be singing... or at least pretending to sing... am still struggling a bit with the phrasing of one of the songs... so can expect a bit of mumbling and fudging tomorrow...

Some of the songs we are singing are so haunting beautiful that I cry when I sing them... so will be interesting to see what it's like tomorrow on stage... more like others will be crying at my singing!

Anyway, will promise to catch up with everyone soon...

Your heard it here first, folks.... I iz complex!

You're Watership Down!
by Richard Adams
Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

No - I iz crazy!

Anyone remember Harvey?

Nothing to see here folks... am exhausted, but excited...

Choir concert in 5 more sleeps... and then 3 days of solitary bliss... not sure what pleases me more to be honest - this spending time with people thing is hard work!

I should be...

I should be...

1. Doing Housework
2. Doing ironing for the week ahead
3. Practising the Tahitian song of welcome that I'm struggling with for choir
4. Working on the short story I'm thinking of submitting to SPICE briefs that Shiloh mentioned on her blog
5. Or getting down on paper the idea that came through yesterday's meditation ... we meditated on the Knight of Cups (the Knight in Shining Armour of legend) and I had the loveliest meditation about a strange, geeky girl... would make a very sweet historical
6. Doing some more work on The Wishlist - haven't written a word in weeks - this is why I didn't do Sven!
   
7. Working on the CFA Bushfire Quilt projects
   

Instead I'm trawling the blogosphere, and suggesting you go and check out Post Secrets - this project always makes me laugh, cry, sigh and generally feel that us homo sapiens are a weird lot, but worth it...

And Solitaire's the only game in town...

Miss Frou Frou -- [noun]: A hermit living in the big city 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

How weird is this? Though I'm pretty sure the meanings are random, if I put Miss Frou Frou in more than once, I'd get more than one answer... but still this is a bit weird... considering my current mood...

With 8 weeks of Sunday choir rehearsals, and meditation classes and catching up with friends and other social activities and work I'm getting a bit frazzled...

Am seriously looking forward to next weekend, after the first two Choir Concerts, and a friends birthday party on Saturday night ... I have 3 days off... am going to spend them on my own, I hope... not speaking... shut away in my little bolthole... I'm not sure if I can wait that long...

This is what worries me most I think about having a serious relationship with someone else, my need for solitude... which can come on unexpectedly at times... will someone understand my need to regularly hibernate... to be still and quiet?

Though Jeni B, my tarot reader/ teacher keeps telling me that the 'right' person will understand that need, and more than likely have the same need. She keeps reminding me of a theme through my meditations over the last 2 years of myself, in a little cottage, in a room that is mine, with my books and crafty things and an open fire and a desk by the window at which I write. And in all of those meditations, there is either someone working alone in another room, or someone else close by... a footfall at the door, a shadow, the anticipation of someone expected... sigh... I wish...


Of course, in the Tarot, the Hermit symbolises much of these feelings. A time to withdraw, to be introspective in order to gain perspective. Soul-searching, time for self-illumination, truth and wisdom of the higher self. It can also represent a guide, a wise woman/man offering others that same illumination, truth and wisdom. I sometimes wonder if I'm meant to take both meanings, I'm definitely someone who searches my soul... but am I also required to share the results of that soul-searching?


Note: When I put in my real name I was told that it means "tastes like chicken"... lol

Someone to watch over me....

There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind...

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me...
Someone to Watch Over Me...George Gershwin

Well it seems the general consensus is that I should go for it... this online dating thing...especially as some of you think I should share all the gory details of my quest... so in fact, I'm being selfless and doing this for you!

Have been thinking a lot about what kind of man/men I'd like to meet, what would make my heart go ping... and other body parts reverberate...and prompted to think even more following some recent blog posts... doesn't help that I've been listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing the Gershwin Songbook... boy that man could write a melancholy love song...

Mez recently discussed Love or List?... should you make a list of attributes that you might want in a partner, and what if people don't meet the requirements of the list. And Indiana talked about that Dreaded Question - why are you still single? and gave what I think is a wonderfully succinct and heartfelt response "I am yet to meet someone I can rely on to be both there for me and to be the person I need, not just want. I am yet to meet someone whom I can believe enough in to give up my own total self-reliance"

And so, we come to me, and what is it that I am looking for - I've mentioned different things in this blog since I started in February... most recently stating I yearn for someone who gets me... someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...no doubt I'll be doing some more thinking about this but here goes...

ADDENDUM: Need to clarify the list below is not a checklist, have no plans to meet someone and then determine whether they are right or wrong based on the below... I'm someone who goes a lot more on gut or intuition in my responses to people, both male and female. It's just a bit of fun about my ideal man... and by putting the desire out there into the universe I'll be curious to see how many of these attributes can be found... though the Naughty, Lusty, Kissable and Available things are non-negotiable!

I do think it's interesting that the commentors to date who have expressed horror have all been male... lol

The ABCs - Miss Frou Frou's Ideal Bloke needs to be:

Available - both physically and emotionally - i.e. live within in a reasonable distance, and actually single
Blokey - I actually don't mind blokey blokes - the blokier they are, the more girlie I become
Clever - not looking for a Mensa candidate, but someone who can hold their own conversationally on a gamut of interests
Dependable - I don't mean a doormat, but if you say you're going to do something, you do it or least let me know if you can't
Employed - don't care what you do, but you need to have some form of work, preferably something that you are passionate about. If you have a mundane job that provides an income for you to follow your muse, that's ok too...
Funny - if you make me laugh, you've almost won me over...
Grounded - for all that I enjoy foolishness, I want someone who has a clear idea of who he is and what he wants, partly cause I need someone to pull me back to earth on occasion
Honest - I will forgive most things, but not lies
Imaginative - linked to funny, clever, lusty, naughty and uninhibited... use your imagination
Juggler - capable of keeping several balls up in the air, work, family, hobbies, me...
Kissable - kissing is important... but I'm not a girl who will kiss someone just because... I need to want to kiss you... and you need to want to kiss me - often!
Lusty - sorry, have no interest in having a purely cerebral relationship... you need to want to play - often!
Manly - I like guys who are masculine - and all that means, not prissy, not afraid to get their hands dirty, a bit hairy, hard in all the right places.
Naughty - I'm pretty open about a lot of things... anyone who is a bit on the conservative side just makes me want to be more and more outrageous
Open Minded- I like odd things... am very tolerant and interested in all sorts of people, you'd need to be a bit the same or we'd bump heads
Persuasive - I'm a hard nut to crack... confess to being high maintenance - you'd need to be somewhere between persistent and pushy - if you pushed to hard, particularly if you dictated, I'm out of here...
Quixotic/ Quirky - fanciful, impulsive, unpredictable but all in a good way
Romantic - not your traditional hearts and flowers type romantic (though that's nice) but someone who would see the romance in small things ... dancing with me around the house, making me a special mix tape, picking flowers out of the garden, singing me to sleep
Sane - while I walk a fine line between slightly eccentric and raving lunatic - you'd need to be well versed in the land of common sense and practicality, but prepared to let go of all that on occasion and come over to my side for awhile
Tactile - I'm a touchy feely girl, when I'm comfortable with someone... think cat... I purr when I'm stroked...
Uninhibited - puritanical and prudish just does not cut it
Verbal - I need to talk, and need someone to talk to... if your main form of communication is grunting, I am not the girl for you
Wise - again, not talking about a Mr Smartpants, but someone who is worldly and discerning.
X Rated - linked to funny, clever, lusty, naughty and uninhibited... I told you already - use your imagination!
Young at Heart - am over the much younger boy thing, but I'm still not quite grown up yet, so am attracted to men who are a bit childlike... not terrible two's childlike... not in to tantrum throwing... just playful
Zany - if you can't see the absurd in things, how on earth are you going to love and treasure me for the dingbat that I am?

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy....

Two of my favourite people are having birthdays today... so this is just a blogosphere shout out to both of them!

Moon Girl - she of the wicked sense of humour, shopping centre pimpage and the healthy and nutritious lunches, I luvs ya ...

But if you bring pom poms to the choir concert I'm going to squash you like a bug next time I see you... Happy Birthday....

And it's also the Nature Boy's big day... he of the un-Leo like persona, great food recommendations, snarky elitism and general weirdness normalcy.

I keep telling him if I ever get anything published I'm going to acknowledge him in the dedication pages... this will have to do for now!

Birthdays Rock.... now where's the bloody cake!

Death by Dating...

"How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"... Judy Tenuta

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm pretty sure I'm about to get back onto the online dating merry-go-round... argh...

Over the last couple of weeks there have been several conversations with friends at work about how to get me out there meeting people. For the most part, my close friends are female, those male friends that I have are either married or in relationships or frankly clueless... seriously, have never seen the benefits of having male friends who can hook you up with their mates... this has never happened to me!

Of course, when pressed over the last couple of weeks about the type of guy I'd like to meet I've been at a bit of a loss... oh, I'd really like to meet a man who attracts me, who is equally attracted to me, but will facilitate between interest and total disinterest over a number of years, and basically treat me badly, and then tell me that he values our friendship... cause at least then I'd know what to expect!

"They keep saying the right person will come along,
I think mine got hit by a truck"... anonymous

I have no idea who the right person is... so when Ms B. at lunch the other day said we should put you up onto a well known singles site to say I was a bit ambivalent would be an understatement. Though she has said when she returns from holidays in two weeks we'll take some photos and work on a profile - so she wants me to think about what I'd like to say.

"A good woman is worth, if she were sold, the fairest crown that's made of purest gold"... John Wodroephe

I've not had much success with this before. I did ok with the newspaper based personals, where you had a print ad, and then people could ring and leave a voice message. Well I did ok at getting a lot of responses, even if it was mostly lots of first dates.

As I said to Ms. Chief at dinner tonight... I'm obviously good at marketing but not necessarily at sales... can get them in with the razzle dazzle, but rarely close the deal. Though in all honestly, it was often me who backed out rather than them...

Problem with these online things is they are so regimented and restrictive... a virtual shopping list of features, single, separated, divorced, even married. Wants kids, has kids, doesn't like kids. Slim, athletic, average, a bit overweight, largish... interestingly I rarely see men describe themselves as largish... even when it's obvious from their photo's that they are! Smoker, non-smoker. Political and religious persuasion. Do you want 'em young, old, short, tall - living within a 10 klm radius or interstate. What kind of music do they like? What about movies? Books? Sport?

Apparantly 2/3rd of the male population of Australia love The Shawshank Redemption, rarely read anything other than the newspaper and think enjoying going camping often is a positive thing (I'll write a whole other post about the likelihood of ever seeing Miss Frou Frou pitching a tent and peeing in the woods)

"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are"... Chauncey Depew

But still... there's a part of me that would like to meet someone... a yearning... to share... to have someone to belong to... someone who gets me... someone who wants to wrestle naked...

Someone who is clever and funny and kind and kooky ... and wants to wrestle naked...

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"... Agatha Christie

And I'd really like to meet this clever, funny, kind, kooky naked wrestler before all my soft and wobbly bits slip and bunch up around my ankles!

The last time I advertised in the personals it said this:

Before I turn 46 - next March -
I would like to make love (as often as possible)
with a man I like a lot - last 6 words are the important part!!!

ME? 45, funny (both funny haha and funny weird at times). Smart, without being a show off or know-it-all. A great conversationalist, can guarantee to provide opportunities for weird and wacky conversations. Genuinely curious about how the male mind (and other bits) works. I'm not stunning, but you wont need a paperbag either. Am not slim, but as long as you don't try to carry me across a threshold I doubt you'd sustain any serious damage. I don't bite, unless you say please first.

The wording was quite deliberately provocative... a male friend had looked at my original draft and said I was too subtle and men didn't do subtle. So this was my attempt at being direct and still there was confusion, with most people reading the opening paragraphs as... blah, blah, blah, make love (as often as possible), blah, blah, blah - which translated further into she's up for it... sex, sex, sex!

I pulled the pin after a month or so, as I got sick of explaining the intent behind the words... though I did meet 1 guy for a dinner who then rang me a week later to say he liked me a lot and was 'strangely aroused' at dinner.... had I deliberately tried to turn him on? Ummm... that would be a no...

So considering my experience to date... what do you reckon? How do you like my chances if I used something like this? Of course, easiest thing to do would be to get prospective suitors to read this blog... if they read my mad scramblings and were still interested I'd be interested in meeting them, if only to see just how crazy they were!

Six Degrees of Miss Frou Frou....

Is my life both ordinary and bizarre? Discuss!

Most of you have heard of Six Degrees of Separation, a theory that all of us can be connected within 6 degrees. And there is the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon... a game devised by college students where you try to link actors to the actor Kevin Bacon in the least number of degrees.

Well... I think something similar has been happening to me over the last few years... but particularly in the last 12 months.

Case Study One: Boomerang Boy was a bit obsessive about keeping me a secret... while I would occasionally speak to them on the phone when I rang him as he was still living at home when we first met, I never met his parents, only ever going to his house when his parents where away.

But I had met Xena - the family dog... a gorgeous malamute with distinctive markings... the lighter markings on her face were all around her muzzle, so she looked a bit like the Joker from Batman - a permanent smile etched on her face. I used to call her Xena the smiley dog.

Mum's cat Scully had to have an amputation of part of her paw at the 24 hour emergency vet one Sunday evening, and as I collected her the next morning, a very distinctive dog bounded out of the next examination room being dragged by an attractive older woman and danced all round a distinguished gentleman waiting in the waiting room. I recognised the dog... and as I stood at the counter confirmed that yes this must be BBs Mum and Dad when I saw the name on the credit card she used to pay the bill.

To say that BB was slight horrified is an understatement! The telephone conversation that evening went a bit like this:

MFF: What's wrong with Xena? Why was she at the vet's today?

BB: What drugs are you on? She wasn't at the vet today!

MFF: Are you sure about that?

BB: Mum! Did you take Xena to the vet today?

BBs Mum: Yes, she needed her shots

BB (quietly): How did you know that?

MFF : I was there!

BB (still quiet): What did you say to them?

MFF (brightly): What do you think I said?
Hi, Mr and Mrs Boomerang - I'm the woman shagging your very much younger son!

BB (audibly gulping)

MFF (laughing till I made myself hiccup)


Case Study Two: - I am working in a role that was vacated by someone who took a similar position at another government authority in April last year. The person who replaced me at the role I left in April last year, had worked in the role that my predecessor had taken.

That's right... we had done a triangular shift... the 3 of us effectively shuffling places... with some small stopovers along the way... I've joked that in 2 years or so, we should all do it again!

On a related note, a guy who took over my role at my last job for about 9 months 4 years ago, sat at my table at a Conference in Sydney earlier in the year... he left my work and took a similar role to my current position at a similar organisation.

Case Study Three: Boomerang Boy again... he is now married, and I haven't seen him since just before his wedding 5 years ago. I've never met his wife, as far as I'm aware, she does not know that I exist, that whole secret thing again... so it's been a bit disconcerting to discover that 2 people I know (a former work colleague and a current work colleague) have worked for the same organisation that she worked at - in one case, in the same department!

Case Study Four: - First day at choir rehearsals, I looked around the hall at the 150+ people there and noticed a couple of familiar faces. One was N - a Health and Safety Representatives from my last job, the other was P - a woman I had been affiliated with when I worked for an agency providing support for children with disabilities in childcare services between 1990-1995. Two rehearsals later, another face walks past me and I think who is that? This was M - someone else I had known back during that time working in children services.

Following week standing around in the teabreak I said hi to N and realised she was standing with P and M! How did they know each other? N & M have been sopranos together for the last 3 choirs and have become friends. P lives near N and gives her a lift to rehearsal each week. So not only did I bump into 3 people from different times in my life, these 3 people all know each other because of separate connections!

Case Study Five: - last Saturday I went on a Chocolate Tour through the city ... a social club activity I organised at work. My mate FBG came along with me, which was fun... but again, the 6 degrees of Miss Frou Frou at work... turns out FBG knew Nature Boy's girl because they both worked in similar roles for two different organisations in the late 90s and knew each other because they were part of the same professional association. I have known FBG for 17 years and Nature Boy and his girl less than 12 months. One of the reasons I wanted FBG to meet NB was because from the beginning he has reminded me very strongly of her... they have a similar conversational style... and they both make me smile... often...

Now you might not think any of this is odd... but you need to understand, Melbourne is not a small hick town... we have a population of well over 3 million people... and its starting to seem likely that in some way or another, I'm going to eventually meet all of them!

THINGS TO DO:

Start playing connect the dots

If I look confused it's because I'm thinking... Samuel Goldwyn

What things there are to write, if one could only write them!
My mind is full of gleaming thought; gay moods and mysterious,
moth-like meditations hover in my imagination, fanning their painted wings. But always the rarest,
those streaked with azure and the deepest crimson,
flutter away beyond my reach. ~Logan Pearsall Smith

I've been quiet... as both Rhian and Sheila have pointed out... have struggled to write anything here... not because there isn't anything to write about, but because there is! Nothing momentous, or life altering to anyone other than me!

As I said to someone today, my life is very ordinary and at the same time so surreal and bizarre, I really don't need to write fiction...

It's like the last 12 months have created a series of small, tiny events, each one inconsequential but each leading on to the next thing. Changing jobs, meeting particular people, being encouraged to communicate, starting this blog, discovering all of you wonderful people out there who engage me with your words and ideas, and respond to my own.

I have started to write several things recently about some of the things happening both to me, and around me and how they make me feel.

So many things flying through my head, I can barely pin a thought down, but at the same time a sense of clarity and understanding that I don't believe I've ever felt so acutely before.

It is as if a part of me is sitting outside and watching... this more than a little bit crazy girl trying to hold it together and pondering the how, when, where's and more importantly, the why's of her life.

And I wanted to share them, but have been reluctant to. Possibly because some of the people involved are frequent or infrequent readers here. Though I don't think that was the main reason, it's just that more recently, I've realised that this blog, at this point in time, my only real public outpourings for me as a writer, has changed... with meme's and Thursday 13s and other fun things, the reason why I started this in the first place has drifted away.

And I want to get back to that original purpose... the musings of a little, fat, funny girl waffling about life, love and all that jazz... but I'm strangely fearful... but of what?

So, bear with me please... I'm good, I know this is all a bit cryptic, but I'm fine... choir rehearsals are wonderful and joyous but the nerves are kicking in as we approach the concert dates, I'm doing some quilting, and reading and writing lots. Alternating between wakefulness and sleep, and a bit frail physically (week 5 of this awful flu/virus) but emotionally feeling really strong and positive.

I'm just processing some stuff prior to the next step... a bit like The Fool in the Tarot... wandering along gazing at the heavens, almost about to step over a cliff. Is that foolhardy, or is that brave? Will I fall or will I fly? Only time will tell....

And by the way, everything in life is writable about
if you have the outgoing guts to do it,
and the imagination to improvise.
The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath