Dance little lady dance...

We had our work Christmas Party last night... a torturous drive up into the mountains only to discover on arriving at the Restaurant that they'd lost power!

So what was meant to be a 3 course meal with a DJ to dance the night away looked like turning out to be a bit different...

BUT... one of the reasons I love my work is people seem to be able to make the best of situations... we had candlelight all over including candles in the loo's so we could see what we were doing... and a cold entree, 130 warm dinners cooked on one small gas cooktop and purchased icecreams for dessert!

The disappointing thing was the lack of music... but when one couple got up onto the dance floor and started to dance to nothing... I said to one of my colleagues, what we should be doing is formation dancing like The Nutbush, Bus Stop etc. She said, I'm game if you are... so out we went and started to do the Nutbush and then within seconds had about a dozen girls up dancing in perfect harmony...

Next thing we know the DJ, doing a wonderfully inventive improv of his own, rigged up his ipod to his laptop and with the aid of the emergency evacuation megaphone we had music... tinny, distorted but music... and we were off!

I then spent the better part of the night dancing, at one point teaching some of the others basic belly dancing so we shimmied and wobbled across the floor... but the best part of the night was dancing with Ms. J... one of my workmates who is just totally gorgeous and insane. At one point I kissed her smack on the lips and said I love you as you make me feel pretty normal in comparison to your antics. Ms.J. has a basic style of dance... dorky ala Kath and Kel! And she gets into it with such gusto that she had us all doing it... though she was the only one regularly flashing her knickers.

At one point the only 4 people left on the dance floor making monkeys of ourselves were myself, Ms. J. and 2 other work colleagues and we let it rip... bogan dancing to AC/DCs you shook me all night long. When a disapproving person made some wisecrack to my boss... she came up and joined us, much to the amusement of the majority of the others...

Am paying for it today... can barely move... but gee it was worth it... I had the bestest time...

For those of you not familiar with Kath and Kel just watch this, and watch Kath (silver permed foxy lady) to get an idea of what Ms. J and the rest of us got up to!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy....

Two of my favourite people are having birthdays today... so this is just a blogosphere shout out to both of them!

Moon Girl - she of the wicked sense of humour, shopping centre pimpage and the healthy and nutritious lunches, I luvs ya ...

But if you bring pom poms to the choir concert I'm going to squash you like a bug next time I see you... Happy Birthday....

And it's also the Nature Boy's big day... he of the un-Leo like persona, great food recommendations, snarky elitism and general weirdness normalcy.

I keep telling him if I ever get anything published I'm going to acknowledge him in the dedication pages... this will have to do for now!

Birthdays Rock.... now where's the bloody cake!

Six Degrees of Miss Frou Frou....

Is my life both ordinary and bizarre? Discuss!

Most of you have heard of Six Degrees of Separation, a theory that all of us can be connected within 6 degrees. And there is the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon... a game devised by college students where you try to link actors to the actor Kevin Bacon in the least number of degrees.

Well... I think something similar has been happening to me over the last few years... but particularly in the last 12 months.

Case Study One: Boomerang Boy was a bit obsessive about keeping me a secret... while I would occasionally speak to them on the phone when I rang him as he was still living at home when we first met, I never met his parents, only ever going to his house when his parents where away.

But I had met Xena - the family dog... a gorgeous malamute with distinctive markings... the lighter markings on her face were all around her muzzle, so she looked a bit like the Joker from Batman - a permanent smile etched on her face. I used to call her Xena the smiley dog.

Mum's cat Scully had to have an amputation of part of her paw at the 24 hour emergency vet one Sunday evening, and as I collected her the next morning, a very distinctive dog bounded out of the next examination room being dragged by an attractive older woman and danced all round a distinguished gentleman waiting in the waiting room. I recognised the dog... and as I stood at the counter confirmed that yes this must be BBs Mum and Dad when I saw the name on the credit card she used to pay the bill.

To say that BB was slight horrified is an understatement! The telephone conversation that evening went a bit like this:

MFF: What's wrong with Xena? Why was she at the vet's today?

BB: What drugs are you on? She wasn't at the vet today!

MFF: Are you sure about that?

BB: Mum! Did you take Xena to the vet today?

BBs Mum: Yes, she needed her shots

BB (quietly): How did you know that?

MFF : I was there!

BB (still quiet): What did you say to them?

MFF (brightly): What do you think I said?
Hi, Mr and Mrs Boomerang - I'm the woman shagging your very much younger son!

BB (audibly gulping)

MFF (laughing till I made myself hiccup)


Case Study Two: - I am working in a role that was vacated by someone who took a similar position at another government authority in April last year. The person who replaced me at the role I left in April last year, had worked in the role that my predecessor had taken.

That's right... we had done a triangular shift... the 3 of us effectively shuffling places... with some small stopovers along the way... I've joked that in 2 years or so, we should all do it again!

On a related note, a guy who took over my role at my last job for about 9 months 4 years ago, sat at my table at a Conference in Sydney earlier in the year... he left my work and took a similar role to my current position at a similar organisation.

Case Study Three: Boomerang Boy again... he is now married, and I haven't seen him since just before his wedding 5 years ago. I've never met his wife, as far as I'm aware, she does not know that I exist, that whole secret thing again... so it's been a bit disconcerting to discover that 2 people I know (a former work colleague and a current work colleague) have worked for the same organisation that she worked at - in one case, in the same department!

Case Study Four: - First day at choir rehearsals, I looked around the hall at the 150+ people there and noticed a couple of familiar faces. One was N - a Health and Safety Representatives from my last job, the other was P - a woman I had been affiliated with when I worked for an agency providing support for children with disabilities in childcare services between 1990-1995. Two rehearsals later, another face walks past me and I think who is that? This was M - someone else I had known back during that time working in children services.

Following week standing around in the teabreak I said hi to N and realised she was standing with P and M! How did they know each other? N & M have been sopranos together for the last 3 choirs and have become friends. P lives near N and gives her a lift to rehearsal each week. So not only did I bump into 3 people from different times in my life, these 3 people all know each other because of separate connections!

Case Study Five: - last Saturday I went on a Chocolate Tour through the city ... a social club activity I organised at work. My mate FBG came along with me, which was fun... but again, the 6 degrees of Miss Frou Frou at work... turns out FBG knew Nature Boy's girl because they both worked in similar roles for two different organisations in the late 90s and knew each other because they were part of the same professional association. I have known FBG for 17 years and Nature Boy and his girl less than 12 months. One of the reasons I wanted FBG to meet NB was because from the beginning he has reminded me very strongly of her... they have a similar conversational style... and they both make me smile... often...

Now you might not think any of this is odd... but you need to understand, Melbourne is not a small hick town... we have a population of well over 3 million people... and its starting to seem likely that in some way or another, I'm going to eventually meet all of them!

THINGS TO DO:

Start playing connect the dots

For those about to rock, we salute you...

One of the coolest blogs I read is Hear Comes a Storm... the life and times of Starrlight and her Kidlet... so it was a lovely surprise to have Starr award me a Rockin' Girl Blogger award.

She said: I Love her posts. She has a quirky sense of humor and her Thursday Thirteens are a favorite and early stop for me. And how can I not love a girl who when asked for a word association for "riding" gave "crop" as an answer?

Well considering she makes me laugh out loud, often, and she has great taste in music, the feeling is most definitely mutual. If you haven't checked her out yet, rush over and do so now!

The rules of the award, are that I must now anoint 5 more Rockin' Girl Bloggers, and the difficulty was limiting it to 5, but here goes:

Rhian/ Crowwoman : How can I not pick my girlie Rhi... she has opened me up to the most amazing world, she is funny, just a little bit odd, and righteous, and I love her to bits!

Miscellany: One of the first blogs I ever read, and still one of my favourites. Mez writes always with humour and compassion, but often creates interesting debates about the state of the world as we know it.

Julia: She writes amazing poetry, and interesting posts about the writing process, at the same time she loves movies, yeah! and her stories about her family and her daily life is always fascinating.

Have the T-Shirt: Oh, I love reading her slice of life posts, about her childhood, about her boys, and her relationship with B. Also love her regular posts on T-shirt Google searches that stumble across her blog... too funny.

Xine: - Queen of the short but powerful blog post. Her writing is just magical, and she has the best linkage between words and images that I've ever seen.

Am going to cheat a little, as there are way more than 5 Rockin' Girls in my book... I'd also recommend that you check out Dewey at The Hidden Side of a Leaf (great book reviews), Miscellaneous Adventures of an Aussie Mum, Savannah, Red's Pages.

And as I'm not a huge fan of gender specific awards, I can't overlook the boys... check out The Dog's Name, Fallen Scorpio, 2 Blog or Not to Blog and Sheepdip (except Phil appears to be AWOL at present, reading through his archives is still good value)

Happy Birthday to you...

Spell with Flickr http://metaatem.net/words/

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies...

Nothing much to say at present... life is good... am working hard at a job I love, even though it's insanely busy and I've brought work home to do this weekend. I'm getting out and about and making friends and consolidating existing friendships... talking and Frou Frou flirting with lovely boys and girls...who make me smile...

This weekend will be a combination of housework and work. I am not naturally domestic by nature, can think of much more exciting things I could be doing with my time than housework... but this place is now at the point that even I'm annoyed... it's not dirty, it's just not right... but my Mum's coming next weekend, it needs to be in a better state before she gets here, or eyebrows will be raised. So I will spend most of the weekend humming Sadie, the Cleaning lady under my breath as I do the sparkle and shine thing...

That would normally depress me, but I have found a routine that works for me. Set the cooking timer for 45 minutes, and do 45 minutes of housework... and then set the timer for 30 minutes and do something else... like read blogs, or quilt, or read or play with cats. Then repeat...

I know, I know if I just knuckled down I'd be able to get everything done earlier... but I can't work that way. Found this was the optimum way for me to study as well, if I didn't set timeframes I'd just procrastinate.

Am off to take Mum's dog to the vet, and then to catch up with some girls from work for some major retail therapy and then back to Mum's to transform me into a luscious blonde... catch you later.

The Rat Run...

A rat run is a colloquial term for a short cut that traffic takes, usually on residential side streets in a urban area. ..The associations with "beating the crowd", the rush hour, rat race likely gave rise to the term. However, it literally derives from the habit of rats in finding and maintaining foraging routes that are covert... Wikipedia

I will confess, that I had never heard of the term 'rat run' until yesterday... in a surreal conversation with a couple of the guys from work...These 3 guys, are part of a small group that have formed a bit of a clique within our much larger organisation. I don't know any of them very well, but what interaction I have with them, either singularly or as a group, always makes me smile if not laugh out loud, even though they can be a little intimidating en masse...so tight with one another, that sometimes it seems they are deliberately excluding others.

So my slightly left of centre mind... ok, ok, very left of centre mind, in hearing the term being bandied about yesterday, made mental connections of rats and a group of cool dudes and came up not with images of this:

But images of this! Those too cool for school guys, The Rat Pack.
Considering the conversation that took place, and my flights of fancy today, I'm even now more convinced that my very left of centre mind is on to something (the conversation below is not verbatim, can't remember all of it, as it was a jumble of interjection and overtalking, but I think you'll get the gist).

MFF to Dino: Do you still go that round the back way you told me about?
Frankie: DINO! Did you tell her about the rat-run?
MFF (confused): The what? Oh, Dino told me months ago about going a different way to work
Dino: No - you're mistaken. I've never told you that (giving me evil eye squints and jerking his head strangely) you're mistaking me with Sammy
Frankie: Dino, you know the rules about disclosing the rat-run... I'm going to have to report you to the committee... 1st rule... tell no one!
MFF: (even more confused): Are we talking about the same thing? The route that takes you over that funky bridge. The one I told you I drove over once, but never will again...(shudders) Sammy told me about a different way too...
Dino: See Frankie, told you... it was Sammy... not me (still grimacing at me wildly, but starting to laugh)
Frankie (stiff with mock indignation): Well, I don't know about this... Frou you're not supposed to know about the rat-run...only the Committee know about the rat-run... can't have every rat-run imposter knowing
MFF: Seriously, WHAT are you talking about? If it's the route I think Dino was telling me about:
Dino (loudly): It wasn't me I tell you, it was Sammy... I didn't tell you anything...
MFF (ignoring him): .... I ain't going to go that way anyway, as it's semi-rural, I'm an inner city chick, all those windy roads, no street lights, no traffic lights, gives me the heebees...
Frankie: Well, I suppose it's ok if you know, but you're not allowed to tell anyone... go photocopy the map and I'll mark it out for you
Joey: Heah, Frou
Frankie: I checked with Joey, he says it's ok... we can tell you 'bout the rat-run, but you can't tell anyone (marks route on map) you need to memorise this as this map will self-destruct in 30 seconds (male laughter)
MFF: Guys, I've already told you, I'm not driving that way, that bridge gives me the willies
Joey in an aside to Dino: What's she talking about, there's nothing wrong with the bridge?
Dino to Joey: She can't help it, she's not very logical
3 male voices in unison: Nah, Frou, it's fine... one side has to give way to the other, and when in doubt you just floor it... manly chests puffed out, smirking at each other
Dino (dreamily): it's a pretty drive, sometimes you get to see moo moo's. (2 sets of male eyes look at him like he's just grown a second head)
MFF: When you're talking about moo moo's I'm assuming you're making reference to the bovine variety, as opposed to a collection of fat women in colourful tentlike outfits standing by the side of road...
Laughter...

Mez, in her blog on Big Brother confirming her suspicions about human behaviour said:
1) Men in groups bigger than 2 sometimes act as bullies because they egg each other on
2) Not all men get involved in the bullies thing - but the ones that do would probably be best described as "blokey" men (at their most innocent)

And I agreed with her, have certainly seen my fair share of male group behaviour that is less than admirable, though thankfully, rarely directed at me. Though once overheard a group of guys we'd met at a pub debating which one of us girls they'd do... and had to listen to them discuss the various pro's and con's of my friends and I, including the prince charming whinging about why he always ended up with the fat one (that would be me, by the way!). He got his 'justs' when I deliberately inadvertently ground my knee into his manticles soft, squishy bits when he tried to pull me on to his lap.

But, in my experience, when you get the chance to either observe or interact with a group of men, it can be a weird and wonderful (but often very, very silly) thing, and I'm fortunate that over the years, there have been groups of men that I've been allowed to hang with. #

• the group of boys in high school, that had known one another since preps, who had the macho posturing down to a fine art, but were totally clueless about women, that used to talk to me about how to get girls to notice them##
• the footy team boys, both juniors and seniors, that I got to know, cause my Godfather was coach and I helped out with drinks at games most weekends. Learnt very early that 18-20 year old boys have very few interests - sex, sport, sex, alcohol... ah did I mention sex and that 20-35 year old men have pretty much the same interests... they can just sometimes be a bit more subtle about it
  
• the guys in various office environments, who liked the fact that I'll have a beer, and my usual reaction to ripe language particularly the over abundance of the 'f' word is to say... um ahh, you just used that naughty in and out word... that would usually have the blokiest of blokes, blushing and stammering and apologising until they realised I was laughing...
• even hanging out with Peter Rabbit and my most recent opportunity to see him in his natural masculine habitat, after being invited to go with him as his date for a school mates 40th, realised that he behaves very differently when he's out with me, or my friends, then when he's with his mates... where the conversation for most of the night was about football, and all sorts of motorsports, and I got to observe the age old ritual of men leaning over mesmerised by the inner workings of a car engine... and they say us girls go gaga over shoes!
  

I used to think I was a bit of an 'honorary' boy... certainly have had my fair share of conversations with men, that would be deemed inappropriate subject matter for most female ears... MLDD always tells me, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to finding out way more than I'm comfortable with, in regard to men and their habits.

Apparently the appropriate response to a guy describing how he organised 'home deliveries' from the local brothel when he broke both legs in a motorcycle accident is to change the subject pronto... rather than my usual eternal curiosity along the lines, of really, but how did you actually manage it, if you couldn't move your legs... (can't help it... my mind paints vivid mental pictures) - though what does it say about him, and/or me, that this conversation took place on a first date... and he then went on to ask me if I'd like to go to the local strip club with him.###

Trying to hold an intelligent conversation while looking into the glazed eyes of a dozen or so of those 18-20 year old boys, who'd at the footy weekend away, in 48 hours consumed enormous quantities of alcohol, held fart and belch competitions, eaten nothing that hadn't come in a wrapper or cardboard box and had p0rn on an endless rotation on the TV was a challenge...

It was also a challenge when one of the shyest, quietest of the bunch introduces you to his girlfriend, Sally Sanyo, the vacuum cleaner, and proudly shows off the perfectly circular love bite/ bruises all over his torso, and through your horrified laughter, you try to ascertain if he'd tried to see just how well good ole Sally was in the suction department... and had he done himself any permanent damage.

So while I can understand Mez's observations, I think there is nothing sweeter than a group of smart, funny, clever boys riffing together and being allowed to be a part of it. Can honestly say I don't ever remember hanging with a group of guys I knew and feeling uncomfortable about the tone or subject matter, regardless of what we were discussing.

It's only the group mentality when men are interacting with women they don't know that can be disconcerting... particularly where alcohol is also involved...

Edit - Saturday: In thinking about this, the hanging with the guys experiences have diminished as I've got older... not sure why that is? It's only with work colleagues that it's more likely to exist now, and usually only within working hours and the workplace. Whereas as a younger woman, I probably had equal numbers of male/female friends...and in the workplace we were more likely to socialise outside work hours.

I wonder if it's linked to something else I've been pondering writing about... how male friends slowly drift away once they partner up, finding it difficult to maintain friendships with single women (or this single woman anyway)? Or is it that older men don't hang out together as much, and when they do, its usually excluding women all together? Or am I less likely to engage with groups of men, now that I am older? Would be curious to hear opinions...

# I do not assume that 'The Rat Run Pack' are suddenly going to allow me in amongst their group, as previously stated, they are all pretty tight with each other and I'm an outsider...not because I'm female but because not only am I one of the new kids on the block, but one of the 'downstairs' people, I am tolerated, not excluded, but not included either...they just allow me the privilege of the odd glimpse into their world...which is fine... considering I'm probably old enough to be mother, or much older sister to most of them...

## Have no idea why men always ask my advice about wooing women - considering I have the worst record in the world about having and maintaining relationships. Even simple things like telling a guy that he shouldn't wait to call a girl if he's enjoyed a date. Apparently, according to the Groove Train Gang, if a guy rang you the next day to say he'd had a good time, they'd think he was a stalker... whereas I'd think it was sweet, and meant that he liked me...

### needless to say, there was no second date.. but that was more because he looked like the leather man from The Village People, except the handlebar moustache was red! What can I say, I'm shallow...

Happy Birthday to you...

Happy Birthday ... Hope you have a great time on Saturday night
- and I expect you to look something like this on Sunday morning!

How I was a Human Bowling Ball and lived to tell the tale...

This post is especially for Rhi, who wrote recently about her fall off stage while taking photographs and my alluding to my escapades on a cruise ship... and my utter klutziness!

Some back story about my nom de plume - in 1999, age 38 - I joined Miss Lou Lou's Tap Dancing Academy as an Absolute Beginner with a close friend. The last time I had had dance lessons was at the age of 6, learning ballet at a local ballet school for all of one term... but I enjoyed tap, particularly once I realised the more ridiculous our costumes and our song choices, the less likely people would actually pay attention to our less than fancy footwork.

At the time at work, one of the blokey blokes, started to refer to me as Miss Frou Frou, and I used it once or twice on an online group as I wrote about my faltering and hysterical and shortlived tapdancing career... and the term stuck! As did the reference to my friend as Miss La De Da!

And in 2003 I went away for a 10 day cruise to Noumea and Vanuatu with a group of 3 friends including Miss La De Da and Gigglegirl. The story below was written to that online group on my return...

The first night and day at sea was pretty rough, half the ship was suffering from sea sickness and yours truly ended up having a shot in the rear after waiting for 2 hours to see the ship's doctor and slept most of day one away.

First morning I slammed my thumb in the cabin door - but as that was also the period that I spent most of the time with my head in a paper bag I was too miserable to realise how much it hurt!

In the information we received from the cruise line before we left it said that they had two theme nights with passenger participation floorshows.

I said to Miss La De Da that maybe we should put our names down to do something. She was horrified and I said, why - it's not like we'll ever see these 1500 passengers again!

On the first night they asked for people to register interest in the two shows, one a Country and Western theme, the other Fright Night. I looked at MLDD and she said, no way, so I resigned myself to not participating.

When we got the daily news on that first night it said they were having linedancing classes the following morning. The 4 of us decided that would be fun to do. Well of course the following morning I was sick, so missed the line dancing class, and most of the first day.

So at dinner time when the girls woke me I was a bit disappointed to hear that MLDD and one of the others had signed up to do a linedancing routine in the Country and Western night, and despite the fact that MLDD thought she could teach me the dance, they hadn't put my name down.

Imagine my delight, when the next morning they had square dancing classes, and asked people to volunteer to do a different number in the show. Both MLDD and I had the class and put our names down.

What a hoot square dancing was. There were 4 groups of 8, with MLDD and I making up the 8 people directly at the front on stage right. The show room on the Pacific Sky is at the front of the boat, so it sometimes gets a bit rocky, so learning to do square dancing, and swinging and circling around was pretty tricky but we got the hang of it.

Now, of the two of us tap dancers, MLDD is by far the more accomplished. She has a great sense of style and dances well. I, on the other hand usually bumble along and generally look like an idiot. BUT, she has terrible trouble remembering a routine, while I, who has the memory of an elephant, pick routines up really quickly.

Square dancing was exactly the same. About a third of the way through the dance, after we'd do-si-do'd, we were supposed to do a heel, toe, heel, toe and gallop bit in the dance. MLDD routinely forgot what to do, so by the end of rehearsal as we do-si-do'd I'd quietly be saying, heel, toe, heel toe and gallop, we'd fumble a bit, giggle and pick it up.

The first of the two shows on performance night was the same. MLDD had a mental blank so right through the dance I kept having to either tell her what was next or point to where she needed to be. But we pulled it off and had a great time. Despite the fact that for some reason no-one ever assumes that just because you put your hand up to do something that you should have a body like Kylie - so the gingham shirt allocated to me - wouldn't do up it was so small - and the straw hat allocated was so big that I could hardly see!


So the 2nd show starts and we get organised to go on stage, still with me whispering to MLDD what comes first, and then next etc. It was a Beverley Hillbillies sketch, with the Pacific Sky entertainers dressed as various members of that family. During the dance they all weave in and out of the square dancers etc. Out we go, under the lights, a bit choppy weather, so we're all finding it a bit tricky staying upright - you just naturally all tilt in the direction that the ship is going.

Dancing away, giggling and being silly and then it happened. I'd said to MLDD through the do-si-do "heel, toe, heel, toe and gallop". She'd got a bit excited and was raring to go, and off she went, but unfortunately I wasn't quite ready, I'm heeling and toeing just as she started to gallop and disaster struck - I lost my footing and over I went.

Just as I did, the ship lurched, so not only did I have the pleasure of landing flat on my butt, but the momentum of the ship and MLDD's gallop had my legs going straight up in the air and I slid along the stage, almost taking out Grannie Clampett in the process, and causing some of the other people in our group of 8 to have to jump over me.

Talk about hysterical, the whole crowd including everyone on stage was laughing, as was I, except I couldn't get to my feet. I'm half lying on the stage floor, half bouncing up. Managed to get to my feet and jump straight back into the dancing, still with the sounds of everyone on stage laughing. MLDD was laughing so hard she wet her pants! And I wasn't that far behind her.

Once off stage one of the entertainers came over to check if I was ok. I wasn't, I'd actually landed pretty hard, and having to climb the stairs up to the dressing room was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But the show must go on, and when we all came out on stage at the end got a special clap from the audience.

The next two days saw me moaning and groaning every time I walked. Giant bruise on my right butt cheek, as well as across the top of my thighs. But dancing on the deck with most of the ship for 2 hours on Island night ironed out the kinks and I was ok.

Having survived the forgetting the steps on stage at the National Theatre 3 years earlier and making up a wildly interpretive dance that closely resembled a whirling dervish, all the time dressed as a gold tinselly sausage, I mean, showgirl, and now falling over on stage in front off close to 1000 people, I reckon I'm ready to take on anything. Jazz Ballet anyone?

Real Women .... the musical

Today I realised that I hadn't done the Real Woman MEME that Sheila tagged me on. Will admit that I've struggled a bit with this one... what is a real woman... you're asking me? I think it's the word 'real' that I have a problem with, it's a judgement, I struggle a lot with words that can be seen as judgement ... like normal, ordinary... real!

Last night I went to see The Sound of Music Drag Show, as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Talk about laugh until you almost pee... though I will never be able to watch The Sound of Music again without rethinking the Baroness and Maria's relationship!

In the car driving back to where we had all parked in nearby Richmond, we were singing various show tunes, as you do! And today have been thinking about songs from musicals that I feel some connection with, as a woman... so a tongue in cheek response to what is a real woman, as defined by Miss Frou Frou and the wonderful world of musical theatre...

Real Women look out for their friends…
We'll always be bosom buddies, Friends, sisters and pals;
If life should reject you, There's me to protect you.
If I say that your tongue is vicious, If I call you uncouth;
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy, Will sit down and tell you the truth.

Tho' now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting,
Tho' often my frank observation might scald;
I've been meanin' to tell you for years, you should keep your hair natural like mine,
If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald.

Each time that a critic has written, "Your voice is the voice of a frog!"
Straight to your side to defend you I rush;
You know that I'm there ev'ry time that the world makes and unkind remark,
When they say "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush!"

I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age; you try to be "Peg O' My Heart", when you're "Lady Macbeth."
Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth! Well, how old do you think? I'd say somewhere in between forty and the death!
Bosom Buddies, Mame, Jerry Herman

Real Women make their own lives…
There's gotta be something better than this,
There's gotta be something better to do.
And when I find me something better to do,
I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get out I'm gonna get up, get out and do it!

There's gotta be some respectable trade,
There's gotta be something easy to learn.
And if I find me something a halfwit can learn,
I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get up, get out and learn it!

There's gotta be some life cleaner than this,
There's gotta be some good reason to live.
And when I find me some kind of life I can live,
I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get up, get out and live it!
There’s Got to Be Something Better Than This, Sweet Charity, Coleman/ Fields

Real Women lead by example…
Careful the things you say, Children will listen.
Careful the things you do, Children will see.
And learn.

Children may not obey, But children will listen.
Children will look to you, For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.

Careful before you say, "Listen to me."
Children will listen.

Careful the wish you make, Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take, Wishes come true,
Not free.

Careful the spell you cast, Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last past what you can see
And turn against you...

Careful the tale you tell. That is the spell.
Children will listen...

Guide them but step away, Children will glisten.
Tamper with what is true and children will turn,
If just to be free.

Careful before you say, "Listen to me."
Children will listen...Children will listen!
Children will Listen, Into the Woods, Stephen Sondheim

Real Women are strong even on their own…
I gotta give my life some sparkle and fizz,
And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his
The place that I consider paradise is,
Wherever he ain't! Wherever he ain't!

No more to wither when he's grouchy and gruff,
No more to listen to him bellow and bluff
Tomorrow morning I'll be strutting my stuff,
Wherever he ain't! Wherever he ain't!

It's time for little Nell to rebel, If he's in Heaven, I'll go to Hell!

I walked behind him like a meek little lamb,
and had my fill of his not giving a damn
I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam,
Wherever he ain't! Wherever he ain't!

Enough of being bullied and bossed, Ta-ta Auf Wiedersehn and get lost!

My little love nest was a terrible trap,
With me behaving like a simpering sap
And so I'm looking for a spot on the map,
If he's going south, I'm going north,
If he's going back, I'm going forth,
Wherever he ain't!
Wherever He Ain’t, Mack and Mabel, Jerry Herman

Real Women protect those they love…
Nothing's gonna harm you, Not while I'm around
Nothing's gonna harm you, No sir, not while I'm around

Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays
I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways

No one's gonna hurt you, No one's gonna dare,
Others can desert you, Not to worry, whistle I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile for awhile, but in time
Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around.

Being close and being clever, Ain't like being true,
I don't need to, I would never, Hide a thing from you
Like some
Not While I’m Around, Sweeney Todd, Stephen Sondheim

Real Women know what they are capable of…
Anything you can do, I can do better
I can do anything, Better than you.

No, you can't. Yes, I can.
No, you can't. Yes, I can.
No, you can't. Yes, I can, Yes, I can!

Anything you can wear I can wear better.
In what you wear I'd look better than you.
In my coat? In your vest!
In my shoes? In your hat!

No, you can't! Yes, I can Yes, I CAN!

I can jump a hurdle. I can wear a girdle.
I can knit a sweater. I can fill it better!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? No. Neither can I.
Anything you can do, Annie Get Your Gun, Irving Berlin

And finally, Real Women keep people guessing (this should be my theme song)…
When I'm with her, I'm confused
Out of focus, And bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling, She's a demon
She's a lamb

She'd out pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She can throw a twirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle, She is wild
She's a riddle, She's a child
She's a headache, She's an angel
She's a girl!!
Maria, The Sound of Music, Rodgers and Hammerstein

Dazed and confused.... ponderings of the terminally single!

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, as I've had conversations IRL and been following some thread conversations in blogland that have me asking lots of questions, about myself, where I'm at, where I'm going and whether I'm going to get there.... So bear with me ok?

Boy Talk???
I have a friend, Peter Rabbit. We sort of dated(see next question) briefly, before becoming really good friends, who go out a lot to movies, or singles things, and talk to or email each other regularly. I would include him on my list of really close friends.

Over the 3 plus years we've known each other he's told me a lot about his friends and I’ve told him a lot about mine and told my friends about him. In fact, he’s met a lot of my friends, to the point that some friends say “if you want to invite the Rabbit Man along, he’s more than welcome”.

So it came as a surprise to me earlier in the year when he told me, apart from the guy who knew that he had a date with this strange girl# way back when, he's never mentioned me to any of his mates.

And when I expressed this surprise and wondered why, he said it had nothing at all to do with not wanting to discuss me, just that generally he and his mates don’t talk about women… well not specific ones anyway. They might lament how hard it is to find and keep a girl etc., but they don’t as a rule talk about the women in their lives specifically, and even less so now, as he is the only single guy left of his small group.

This isn't the only time I've had conversations with guys, who have expressed similar opinions. Actually once had a guy tell me, that the more a guy talks about you to others, the less serious he is....???? What do others think?

What is a Date?
A friend told me about a conversation with a guy who asked her out a couple of times for dinner and/or movies and his announcing that they were not dating, as he defined a date as someone he intended to have sex with, and he only had sex within a relationship and as he had decided he wanted to forgo relationships for the moment, that meant their semi-regular outings were not dates!

He then went on to ask her did she think they were dating, to which she replied, what difference does it make, as you've already decided that we aren't?

If I used the definition as used by this guy, I almost never date! Or as Miss La De Da keeps telling me, I am a serial first dater!

I've met a fair few guys over the last 8 years or so, mainly through the various experiments at the personals and internet dating##. Not that many, compared to the number of responses I received - both times I advertised in the personals I clocked up over 100 responses (that just shows I'm good at marketing, not so great at sales). I spoke to lots, but probably only met about 10 of them all up, before I usually got a bit feed up with how hard it all was, or Boomerang Boy bounced back for awhile.

Of the men I met, Peter Rabbit is the only one still around. He responded to the 2nd personals ad I placed, and we had a long, funny, interesting telephone conversation and a long, funny, interesting dinner (we closed the restaurant) and I liked him immediately and though I'm very glad to have met him, he's not the one for me, something I realised almost from the beginning. Though I've told him he's going to be one of my bridesmaids, if I ever get married.

So, was that first evening a date? When there was the possibility of there being an attraction? And once, the possibility of attraction is gone, anything else is not considered a date?

Knowing what you want and being prepared to say it...
On Saturday, my tarot teacher organised a lunch with current and former students that she thought might connect. Six of us met, and I for one, had a lovely time, and would happily meet these women again. Unlike, Peter Rabbit and his cronies, we talked about all sorts of things including men and relationships...as all of us, ranging in age from early 30s to 57 are either single or divorced.

One of the women told the story of a friend, dating a guy, after both had been divorced. Early on, on one of their first dates he announced that he had no intention of ever remarrying. To which she replied, really - I have ever intention of getting married again. And she said, it's ok that you told me, now I know how much energy to put into this relationship with you, as despite the fact that I like you a lot, I definitely plan to be an old married lady, obviously not to you though. They were married two years later!

She said, that you need to be clear about what you want, and make that clear to men###. If you're happy to be friends with benefits, then say so. But if you really want to be in a committed relationship, make that clear from the beginning.

At some level, I understood what she was talking about but I also found the conversation unsettling. I should just come straight out and tell people what I want... sure... once I work out what the hell that is!

Do I want to be married? Will admit never did do the whole dreamy playing bride thing as a little girl, though I did get hitched to George#### behind the shelter sheds in Grade 3 in a mock wedding, but as my friend Kazz was the minister, I don't think it counts, does it. Maybe that's why I can't imagine being married to anyone else, I'm betrothed already!

Isn't the question more do I want to be married to you? Whoever, you happen to be... But I don't think in those terms. I think about do I want to spend time with you, do you make me laugh, do you turn me on, can I imagine my life without you in it? Whether we are married or not, live together or just visit on occasion is just housekeeping isn't it?

That blasted switch!
Boomerang Boy used to tell me that I had a flashing light on my forehead that used to say 'take me, take me' - actually he was a bit cruder, when he talked about it, but that was the gist. I don't think that's what the flashing light said, but I am aware of sometimes flicking on a switch, that kicks me into another gear, where I find myself responsive and open to the interest of men.

We talked about this at lunch on Saturday, as FBG, wise woman that she is, keeps telling me I'm the keeper of the switch, I get to turn it on and off. But as we discussed at lunch, it's hard to keep the switch on if there isn't someone to flash it at... and it's very easy and often much simpler to just turn it off. We all agreed that there have been times, in some cases years, were we shut down the whole idea of any form of relationship, and consequently, you become invisible. At those times, my flashing light says don't even think about it...

That damn switch has been on for months... as I've been open to the possibilities of what the world has to offer, finally putting Boomerang Boy in the past where he belongs. And it shows I guess, which is probably why I've got friends trying to set me up with people, left and centre. And it was shining brightest when I've been playing with the Nature Boy over the last few months, despite the fact, that our friendship was mostly silly stuff and nothing overtly sexual in any of it.

And since my little meltdown of the other week with him, the light hasn't gone out completely, but it's wavering and flickering a bit and would take very little to snuff it out. But I don't want to snuff it out... want to keep the momentum going but am not sure how to go about it.

Suggestions people?

# not strange in a woo woo way, just strange, as in a stranger. He waited till he got to know me to tell me I was strange, in a woo woo way... actually that's what he likes most about me...

## As to the internet, have had lots of emails and the odd phone call, but have only met one guy through rsvp - met for a coffee, he invited me to stay for dinner and then said he'd like to call me sometime. Rang me a week later to say that he was meeting another couple of women, but that he'd like to stay in touch, which I took to mean that I'd maybe made the team, but was sitting on the interchange bench!

And then out of the blue announced that he was very attracted, and found himself aroused by our conversation at dinner, and was confused, cause he wasn't sure if I was trying to arouse him deliberately - ah -that would be a no! And then asked me, if I had been aroused... ah - that would be a no! Never heard from him again!!!

### Reminds me of a friend telling me that when asked what did she want to get out of the internet dating experience on a first date with a guy, replied - mindless sex - to which he swallowed his tongue! She followed him home on the 2nd date and has been with him every since.

#### He actually remembered... when organising my 20 year school reunion I spoke to George, and he remembered that wedding ceremony, and we had a quiet laugh about it. Was actually looking forward to seeing him, any boy that remember that about you when you were 9 is worth a check out I reckon, but he didn't show...

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked ...unknown

Greetings from a half-cracked egg...

Most people would say I am a gregarious and friendly woman. More likely to be smiling than frowning, usually good at remembering small important details, more than comfortable chatting about whatever. I usually get along well with people, can find some point of reference to be able to relate to them, and have had very few instances in my life where I've met people who I intensely disliked or intensely disliked me (well not that I'm aware of).

Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends. ~Virginia Woolf

My friends are important to me... in lots of ways, my friends are my family.

I can be painfully shy, which a lot of people find hard to believe, because I'm so chatty a lot of the time. In situations where I have some control, at work, or out with friends, I'm fine. But put me on my own and I'll withdraw. I once went to an interstate conference and for 3 days did not speak to a single other participant.

I have a lot of friends, both male and female, that cover all aspects of my life, including friends that I've had for a long time. Am still close to a friend I met my first day of school, we've known each other 42 years... which her children find amazing. And others that I've known for decades or longer. At the same time, I have friends I've known for 6 months or less.

The relationships are different, there's a level of comfort with older friends, that you have from shared experiences that I've yet to have with newer friends. But the one thing they all have in common, is that I feel safe with them.

Friends can be said to "fall in like" with as profound a thud as romantic partners fall in love. ~Letty Cottin Pogrebin

A former boss used to say to us, you are either on the team or you are off. And I have started to realise I take a similar approach to my friendships. You are either a friend, or you aren't... a card carrying member of Team FrouFrou or not...

If you're a friend of either sex, then I let you in... all the way in... without reservation. I give you permission to love me, to get mad at me, to laugh at and with me, to cry with me. And more importantly I give myself permission to love you... and if I love you, then it doesn't matter how often we see each other, or even how you behave, you belong... you become a part of my life, for the rest of my life, in almost all cases.

And if I can't do that, if I can't let you in, either because of your own discomfort or lack of interest, or my own, then we are never going to be true friends. You're either a friend or you're at best an acquaintance, at worst, a stranger.

Friends----you and me , You brought another friend and then there were 3.
We started our group, Our circle of friends and like that circle , There is no beginning or end... author unknown

I've struggled a lot in the last couple of years to understand who I am, and the things that I want, am still very much a work in progress. But I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin these days, and therefore am a lot more likely to open up to people than I used to be.

As a result, I've found it easier to expand my circle, as I've got better at recognising like minded spirits that I connect with. And it's such a blessing to discover so many like minded spirits out there. The reasons why I have connected or how I have connected with my friends are as different as my friends themselves are.

But I love more than anything to link them all together, to truly create a circle of friends. People that have very little in common in some cases, except me.

On Tuesday next week, 11 of us are going to see The Sound of Music Drag Show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. 2 friends are married to each other, FBG and Fish-a-man, he'll be the lone boy of the group, and I was with FBG the weekend she met him, probably 12 years ago now. MLDD and Gigglegirl are sisters and my cousins.

L is a former work colleague, and FBG also worked with us. L is bringing along her uni pal S who is down from Queensland, the two of them have travelled overseas together every 12-15 months for close to 30 years. I've met S several times over the years on her trips down to Melbourne.

SuzyQ, is also a former work colleague, different workplace though, we've known each other for 20 years. SuzyQ, MLDD, FBG and I did the single girl thing in various computations over the years. And she recently met L for the first time when we went to see the Choir of Hard Knocks together, and the last time I saw them both, they were both singing at the top of their lungs as MLDD drove them home. She's bringing two friends, who I haven't met before, but I know if they are her friends then I will love them.

And flickchick, who again, is a former work colleague, but different workplace, hasn't met any of these people yet, but they all know about her, and she knows about them, cause I've talked about her a lot to them in the 6 years that I've known her. She'll love them, and they her.

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. ~Laurence J. Peter

I guess something NPNP said to me recently is a good way to finish this off. We all know you are a 'wack job' but so what, that's why we love you.

I am strange, contrary, argumentative, over-emotional, and more than slightly left of centre and will confess to being extremely high maintenance. And those that are my friends know that about me, and love me anyway, cause they know I am so worth it... as I know that they are...

Quotes I Live My Life By...

"I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling, who grew up to remain an ugly duckling, and lived happily ever after" - Chick (I have no idea who this is)

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle" - Lewis Carroll

"Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try" - Theodor Geisel, Dr. Seuss

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then" - Katherine Hepburn

"No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions" - Henry Ward Beecher

"I love people, I love my family... but inside myself is a place where I live alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up" - Pearl S. Buck

"She is too fond of books, it has turned her brain" - Louisa May Alcott

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round, loves what makes the ride worthwhile" - Franklin P. Jones

"If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle" - Rita Mae Brown

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination" - John Lennon

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats" - Albert Schweitzer

"Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck..." - Josh Whedon

"Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching" - Scott Adams

"I met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything" - The Purple Rose of Cairo/Woody Allen

"Here's all you have to know about men and women. Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy, is because men are stupid" - George Carlin

"Age is something that doesn't matter - unless you are a cheese" - Billie Burke

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it" - Dorothy Parker

Birthday +'s and -'s

I still haven't written about my birthday weekend!

Probably cause I've got mixed feelings about it... I had a lovely weekend, much better and busier than I had planned or expected it to be... but at the same time a sense of melancholy running through it... while I wouldn't have changed any of it, there's a part of me that wonders if I might not have been better off spending the weekend at home in my pj's like I had originally planned...

Turning 46 seems incredible really... it was only yesterday that I was that girl in the photo on the left... can remember the day it was taken at kindergarten. Apparently I followed the photographer around all day, and posed for him every time he turned around. When the proofs came back, there were 3 photos of me for every 1 of everyone else. Gee... it's a bit different now... I can't stand having my photo taken...

Positive things about my birthday:

Catch up with friends for Choir of Hard Knocks gala concert and decision to join the Melbourne Millennium Chorus - and finally get the chance to sing, loudly... in public...

Mad Splurge of retail therapy - buying tops, and shoes, and red lipstick and 3 new pair of pj's - considering how much time I've been spending in my pj's, they were the most exciting purchase...

Being serenaded with Happy Birthday's over the phone from not only FBG and Miss La De Da but also from Peter Rabbit... which was a delightful surprise, as he admits to not remembering birthdays and hating singing...

Tarot Reading - which was interesting, telling me about the year ahead... which will be one of extremes by the sound of it... lots of good things and more likely followed by lots of not so good things... though she said that's probably been happening for awhile and I agreed... the Moon is the prevailing influence, which means I'm going to wax and wane a bit... and probably continue to vacillate between mad outbursts of activity and almost total seclusion... though she said there are boys coming... not 1, not 2, but 3 of them...

Lunch with FBG and her Fish-a-man on Sunday... and had a lovely time catching up... she looks so much happier than she was this time last year... though my missing the turn-off had me almost to Philip Island...and then dinner and a catch up with Miss La De Da and her man...and a lazy day of chatting with NPNP over mediocre fish 'n chips but excellent chocolate...

Angus the Folly did not send me a Happy Birthday message... which means I think that chapter is well and truly over...

Being OK about that chapter being well and truly over...

Negative things about my birthday:

Sister's phone call to ask if I was doing anything for my birthday, cause if I wasn't she wouldn't need to buy me a present! She then kindly offered to come over for coffee if I'd like to buy a cake and I very kindly declined her offer...

Upsetting my Mum, with my moods and 'hermit' behaviour, who mailed by birthday card to me (she lives 5 minutes away) and then left a 'as I don't know when I'll see you next I'm just ringing to wish you a Happy Birthday" message on my machine. I didn't know this, when I rang her to say, could I call in the following afternoon. And when I asked would she like me to bring some afternoon tea (something I normally do, if I call in on Saturday afternoons) she said, not particularly, unless you want to. I decided not to buy anything...

Fish-a-man's friend that I got dressed up for on the off chance that he might be there, as he'd an expressed an interest in meeting me, did not show...

Tarot Teacher could not provide any more detail other than the following about the not 1, not 2 but 3 boys who might be coming... one is a Fire sign (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) and will require me to have the Patience of Job if I want the relationship to progress - apparently I can't push the river@@... one is an Air sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) and will be a meeting of the minds, he will encourage me in some endeavour, possibly a new job... the other is an Earth sign (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) and she was vague but said I should pay attention ##

My pledge to have lots of sex with a man I like a lot before my 46th birthday went unfulfilled... probably cause I can't remember the last time I met a man I liked a lot enough to want to have sex with him...

The realisation that at 46 it's now unlikely, if not impossible, that I will ever have a child of my own... probably cause I can't remember the last time I met a man I liked a lot enough to want to have sex with him...


## If you're a Water sign (Pisces, Scorpio Cancer) - bad luck! And bad luck to me, by her reckoning I should be paying attention to 9/12ths of the male population...

@@ Not pushing the river, may very well mean I won't have lots of sex with a man I like a lot until I'm 50

Songs to Remember By...

On Wednesday night, following a recommendation from Jappa, 3 friends and I went to see the gala launch of the Choir of Hard Knocks at the Melbourne Town Hall, which was truly inspirational. They sang like angels, and we all found ourselves moved to tears and I'd heartily recommend you try to catch them if they come to your area.

I've realised that music is something that I can measure my life by, important and not so important moments, both good and bad times... there is usually some song that reflects that time or feelings, with songs capable of bringing back a time and place so vividly...

I love music, and love singing, though was told as a young girl in the school choir to sing 'quietly' i.e. mime, so was very self-conscious of singing for most of my life... and equally as self-conscious of dancing until I hit my 30s (would only dance when I was drunk before then and then I would dance on the tables!).

That doesn't stop music from being as vital as breathing to me... so here then are some of the songs that reflect me and my life...

Someday, One Day - The Seekers (people say your a dreamer, what do they know of what your thinking, if you believe in what your doing, then believe in what I say)- this creates the most vivid memory of first year at primary school, and being dropped off at a family friends house before school. I have never been much of a morning person, even as a little girl, so being bundled out of the house to go to a strangers home at the start of each day was a stress for me... but this song, which must have been in the charts at the time always seemed to be on the radio, and we got warm porridge and honey for breakfast ...yum...

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime - Dean Martin - we had a turquoise VW beetle with a radio that didn't work, so car trips usually involved us kids sitting in the back singing songs to entertain my Dad. Invariably, he would warble this to us - but changing the lyrics to 'something in your kiss just told me, I've just kissed a cow!

Lullaby of Broadway - goodnight baby, goodnight, the milkman's on his way, sleep tight baby, sleep tight, let's call it a day - my first dance lessons, in a local hall with the daughter of a neighbour, we did a dance routine to this song, a sort of tap/ ballet fusion... I was probably 6 and already completely uncoordinated and had such a miserable time of it that I didn't dance on stage again until I was 38!

Lipstick on Your Collar - Connie Francis - this is one for Miss La De Da - her and my sister age about 10, learning the lyrics and putting on a show for the family. For some reason this song also has the visual memory of MLDD masticating a banana sandwich with her mouth open... yuk!

Slipstream -Sherbet, Living in the 70's - Skyhooks, High Voltage - AC/DC, Hard Road - Stevie Wright - the soundtrack of my teens, the first 4 albums I bought when I got a part-time job in a lotto/record/gift store. My first concert, Festival Hall, Buster Brown with Angry Anderson on vocals, Skyhooks just as their first album was released and Sherbet!

Turn the Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson - 17 years old, Collingwood Districts Football Club Disco - at a hall in Carlton North every Saturday night, $3 for chicks, $8 for blokes, as most of the chicks brought their Asti Spumante, and they had a keg of beer for the boys. I drank beer with the usual result of being totally rat-assed by the end of the night. A gorgeous (think young Robert Redford) boy used to pounce on me most Saturdays, put my hand in the back pocket of his jeans, and dance close, telling all and sundry I was his wife... and then completely blank me if he saw me on the street during the week, only to repeat the whole routine the following Saturday... talk about being confused... He gave me my first (and probably only) illicit drug, telling me it would make me feel better, and then had to spend the night wrapped around me in the backseat of a car while I screamed and howled my way down from the trip from hell. He spread the word that anyone giving me anything stronger than beer was going to answer to him, and then blackened his mate's eye when mate shoved a bottle under my nose, saying sniff this!

Counting the Beat - The Swingers - my semi-punk days, short peroxide blonde hair, with jet black wispy bits stuck to my cheek, a multi-coloured bomber jacket, tight black skirt, one aqua stocking, one red, covered by fishnets... thought I was really cool, but never wore the outfit again after we walked into the pub one night to hear 'OK, we can start now, the circus has arrived'

Walking on the Moon - The Police - giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon, I hope my legs don't break, walking on the moon - first full-time job, living away from home for the first time in a share house with 2 chicks and a bloke in Richmond. The band stayed at the motel I worked at their first tour out, and we saw them play at Festival Hall...

Gonna Fly Now - The Theme from Rocky - aah, liniment, smelly socks and boys... football club rooms and the big difference between juniors and seniors is that seniors like to walk around naked... oh my... I don't like football... I like footballers!

Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac - My First Love sang this to me the night we met... both slightly intoxicated, sleepily sitting on Gossy's mum's couch close to midnight after he'd played in the winning grand final for his local team. He sang this quietly into my ear while he stroked my hair and then he kissed me... **

No Lies - Noiseworks - one of my groupie stages++ (no sex though drats!)... sent the guys a bunch of balloons while they were recording their first album in Melbourne and came home to a gorgeous message on the machine from Jon Stevens. Meet them after a gig at the then Bell Street Rock one Easter, and they put my name on the door for every Melbourne gig for the next few years. Even got an invite up to Sydney for the filming of an MTV special when the album was released.

How Do I Live Without You - Trisha Yearwood, Easy - Faith No More, Throwing Cooper - Live - sitting on the swings at Fairfield Park at 3.00am talking to Angus Folly Boy on our first date, and his relief after about half an hour of debate in discovering yes, we did like some of the same music - he was a metal head, and I'm a musical theatre girl! I sprinkled these songs through mix tapes that I played at ten pin bowling and we'd make eye contact across a crowded bowling alley and smile at each other.

Big Spender - Sweet Charity - so let me get right to the point, I don't pop my cork for every guy I see - finally putting the past and self-consciousness behind me and belting this out at karaoke at a work Christmas Party without worrying about what I sounded like... the fact that I was 12 kinds of pissed probably helped... but singing the love song duet with my boss at midnight was probably a bad move...

Would you...? - Touch and Go -I've noticed you around, I find you very attractive, would you, um, um, would you go to bed with me? - I laughed out loud (it was either that or cry) when this was playing on the radio after leaving Angus Folly Boy's house the ill-fated night he planned the big seduction scene. I arrived to find him almost crippled with back pain, which was bad enough, and then his brother deliberately came home to check me out, when he'd been told to stay away - add a malamute that went for the crotch snuggle every time she came into the room and his bedroom walls covered with photo's of naked women in poses only their gyno should see and is it any wonder I said there was no way I was going to get naaaaked!

The Healer - John Lee Hooker - first time I got my feet and brain to work in sync at Miss Lou Lou's Tap Dancing Academy, age 38! Heah ma, I can dance!%% Went on to dance at the National Theatre to The MilkShake - The Village People dressed as a cow, Tijuana Taxi by Herb Albert in sombrero and poncho and a fake moustache that kept falling off, as a gold tinselly sausage, I mean, showgirl to Madonna's Hanky Panky, and my swan-song - Singing in the Rain by Gene Kelly dressed as a duck!

** MFL is still the kisser against whom all other kissers are judged...

++ Wrote to bass player of MiSex once, and we started a telephone/ letter exchange for awhile - he'd ring when the band were down and we'd chat about music and stuff, and again, my name on the door at gigs, but I never actually met him...


%% Well, actually I can't really... why a girl who spends most of her time dancing from the waist up, lots of hand gestures, not a lot of foot work, ever took up tap is beyond me. The first time I ever persevered with something I suck at big time! It was fun, but after 5 years you were actually expected to be pretty good!!!